Nightmare // chanlix

Twenty Six

Chan and Felix lay in the bed, still naked as they embraced one another after an eventful feed. The two could definitely stay like that all day, but Chan had work in the afternoon, and after the whole Jisung-getting-killed-and-turned-into-a-vampire situation, he needed the normalcy of a job to focus on. 

Felix fumbled with his hands, panicking once Chan got up to shower. He had been so in his head about working up the courage to chat to the elder about his situation, that he never actually spoke to him about it. He wanted to, before he changed his mind. 

"Chan, wait." Felix spoke out, lips moving before his brain did. 

The brunet stopped, turning around to face the younger, giving a slight eyebrow raise as an indication for Felix to continue speaking. 

"I need to talk to you about something, and I don't know if you'll like it." The blond looked down at his hands as he finished the sentence, his nervousness already spiking. 

Face growing with concern, Chan sat down on the side of the bed, still warm from where he had been laying a minute prior. 

"What's up?" He questioned, searching for the younger's eyes so that he could meet them. 

"I, uh, I don't know how to say this without it sounding horrible, but I can't keep feeding off of you, it's not enough." Felix began, taking a quick pause to arrange his thoughts. 

"You need more?" The elder frowned, hand instinctively going up to his neck. "I can give you more." 

The blond shook his head, trying to find a way to express to Chan that he wanted to kill someone without explicitly saying it. Normally he was pretty blunt and straightforward, but for fear of the elder's reaction, he found himself dancing around the topic. 

"No, I mean, just blood isn't enough." Felix said, eyes scanning the elder's face for a reaction. When he was met with confusion, he decided to elaborate. "I need to kill."

The moment the words left his mouth, it seemed like Chan's entire body froze on the spot. He didn't react at all for a few seconds, and if this were a cartoon scenario there would be a loading symbol floating above the elder's head. 

"Oh." Chan replied eventually, eyes scanning the room to look anywhere but the blond. "You need to?"

The question wasn't snappy, it wasn't judgemental either - it was pure confusion. Chan knew that vampires could survive without killing, the younger had told him himself. He also knew, however, how hard it was to live without doing so.

"Yeah. I've been trying, really really hard - I promise." Felix began, hoping to soften the blow. "But my thirst just seems to be getting worse, my stomach is constantly sore with hunger these days, and I can't remember the last time I didn't think about killing. I know it's not a necessity, but it feels like it is, and it feels like I'm slowly dying without it." The blond's eyes began to well up with tears, though none ever fell. 

Chan's heart burned in his chest at the words the younger spoke. He never realised that along with physical effects, there were also mental ones. The fact Felix hadn't felt peace for what was likely more than weeks hurt him to see. But, it also put him at an impossible position, one a choice he didn't know if he could make. 

"Are you asking for permission?" The brunet asked, his face unreadable. 

"No, I wouldn't put you in a position to encourage it. I just think I need to do it, and I don't want to hide it from you." Felix bit his lip as he waited for a response. 

Chan was quiet, even his breathing had silenced. He looked deep in thought, as if he was having an internal conversation. 

"You uh.. you know how I feel about.. that." The elder's words were clear, yet his response almost sounded like he was questioning it himself.