Catherine - her secret, her love

Chapter 4

***Oliver***

Sa lahat ng babaeng nakilala o nakarelasyon ko, hindi ko alam kung bakit bumabalik-balik pa rin ako sa kanya.

"Hindi mo 'ko mapapalabas." Catherine said in her typical naughty tone. Sa una ay gusto ko lamang siyang asarin. I just love staring at her bothered, cute face everytime I move closer to her. Ngunit habang tumatagal, hindi ko maiwasang isipin na halikan siya.

It's so wrong, but I can't help it.

Ilang taon nanaman kaming hindi magsasama. Ilang taon na hanggang pangarap ko lamang siya. Ngunit ngayon, nakasalalay lahat sa lakas ng loob ko. I want this summer to be so memorable for us, even if it meant crossing the line.

"Oli..." Mahina niyang tugon but I shushed her, and finally, had the courage to kiss her lips.

I can't be sorry now, kasi andito na, nagawa ko na. But I should have known na hindi pa pala siya handa para dito. The more so she might still not able to accept my feelings.

Tinulak niya 'ko palayo, at sa gulat ko, she slapped me.

She was staring at me, her eyes wide opened in bewilderment. Halong takot at kaba ang maaaring rason kung bakit siya napaluha.

I want to hug her, soothe her that everything will be okay with me. Gusto kong mag-sorry, but I can't. Naunahan na rin ako ng takot. She just rejected me, and I can do nothing but stare at her as well.

Natakot ako na baka tuluyan na niya 'kong layuan, at tuluyan na siyang mawala sa'kin. Natakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari.

"Oliver?" Pagtawag ni Mommy mula sa labas habang kumakatok sa pinto.

Pinunasan agad ni Catherine ang kanyang luha. We both composed ourselves, pretending that nothing happened at all.

Siya na mismo ang nagbukas ng pinto at bumati kay Mommy.

"Catherine..." Nagtataka nitong sabi, "andito ka pala."

"Opo, binisita ko lang po si Oliver." She said, still trying her best to smile.

Just what have I done?

"Sige po Tita, hinahanap na rin po ako ni Mommy."

Hindi na nakapagsalita pa si Mommy at pumasok na lang din. Nakakahalata ba siya? I hope not.

"Okay ka lang ba dito, anak?" She asked, while I sat on the bed.

"Yes Mom. Kaya ko naman po matulog mag-isa." Sagot ko.

Sinarado niya muna ang pinto saka lumapit sa'kin at umupo sa tabi ko.

"Is there anything wrong, Oli?" She asked, "anything I need to know?"

Hindi muna ako kumibo. I knew I need to think of an excuse, something that will ease her mind. Ayokong isipan niya kami ng masama ni Catherine, kahit na actually, meron na. Kung bakit naman kasi hindi ako nakapagpigil.

"Oli, I know you since birth. Alam ko kung may tinatago ka sa'kin, alam ko kung malungkot ka, masaya ka, and most especially, I know when you're in love."

"Mom, please. Let's not talk about this." I sighed. Naiinis ako na nahihiya. She can't know everything about me. Hindi niya pwedeng malaman ang mga kalokohang nagawa ko.

"No, Oliver. I can't let you fall in love with your cousin."

So, she knew. My Mom noticed us all along.

"Hindi ko alam kung paano, kailan, o bakit... alam kong mahirap, but I also know it's very wrong." Muli niyang sabi.

"Mom please, it's not what you think it is." Pag-dedeny ko pa just because I don't want to be put to shame. Kinahihiya ko na ang sarili ko.

"Yes, I know what it is, Oli. Kung hindi si Catherine, bakit ka nagkakaganyan ngayon? Nasa tamang edad ka na, anak, so hindi na kita mapipigilan pang magmahal. But not Catherine. Madami pang babae dyan, just not her."

Alam kong concern lang naman sa'kin si Mommy. Kaya nga hindi na 'ko makasalita sa sobrang konsensya. I felt like a loser. Napahiya na nga ako kay Catherine, nalaman pa agad ng Nanay ko.

She then sighed ang gently tapped my shoulder. I know my Mom. When I'm hurt, she's hurt as well. Hindi niya hahayaang mapahiya ako no matter how bad my actions are.

"I can arrange a marriage for you... or blind dates. Ayoko namang pilitin ka sa taong hindi mo mahal, pero anak, you have to move on now. Baka mas lalo pang lumalim ang pag-ibig na 'yan, mahirapan ka pa." Paliwanag niya. As expected from her, she always find solution especially if it's my problem.

Kung pwede ko nga lang sanang turuan ang puso't isip ko na kalimutan na lang si Catherine e. Sana nga natulad na lang ako kay Daddy na nagkaroon ng amnesia.

"Okay Mom... kayo na po ang bahala. Alam ko namang wala talagang mangyayari sa amin." Finally, I admitted. Inamin ko nang may gusto ako sa pinsan ko, pati na rin ang imahinasyon kong magsama pa kami.

"Sorry po, binigyan ko pa kayo ng sakit ng ulo." I said, guilty of everything.

"No... no Oli. I'm your Mom, it's my duty to guide you, hindi ba? I can't get mad at you for loving the wrong person, kaya nga gagawa tayo ng paraan, anak. Bago pa 'to makarating sa Daddy mo o sa ibang tao. Hindi ba mas nakakahiya 'yun? As early as possible, you have to get rid of those feelings. I know, mahirap... pero mas mabuting gawin ang tama, kesa masaya ka nga, pero puro mali naman."

She really is good at advices. Gaano ko man siya gustong kontrahin o ipilit ang sarili kong gusto, hindi ko na magawa sa sobrang gentle at understanding niya. I then hugged her, because it soothes me. Call me mother's boy, but I'm really close to her and I'm proud of it, kahit na minsan kapag binebaby pa niya 'ko e nakakahiya na.

"Sorry, Mom." Tugon ko, but there's a part of me which says I'm going to be sorry forever, because I can't promise her now na lalayuan ko na talaga si Catherine.