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"You're everywhere except right here and it hurts

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"You're everywhere except right here and it hurts." — Rupi Kaur, 'The Sun and Her Flowers'

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Chapter 57
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Luke

My gaze snapped up from my phone as my mother shifted.

A small sigh passed her lips as she twisted and turned until she was comfortable. I couldn't understand how she found it with those rough hospital beds, but when you had no other choice, I guessed you accepted whatever you could.

I couldn't use that same logic with myself, though. I didn't want to.

I had fucked up a lot in my life. I'd said the wrong things, been the wrong things, and had never in my fucking life felt an ounce of regret like this.

This one, though. It was different. Seeing that betrayal in Maggie's' eyes had hit me so hard, I didn't think it possible to ever recover. My lungs were still strained from the moment she left, because when she did, I think she may have took my will to breathe with her.

Being alone wasn't a stranger to me. It was one of the most common things in my nineteen years of life, honestly. I was fine with it remaining that way, as well.

But, that was before I realized what I was missing.

Maggie.

Fuck me. I missed her more than I thought possible.

I missed every single thing that I could. The things that she loved, or didn't love, I missed those, too. I missed all of her.

But, I fucked it up.

I fucked it up so bad that if I weren't thinking about how badly I missed her, then I was thinking about that. And, if I wasn't thinking about that, then I was thinking about what I could have done to prevent it.

I could have told her. I should have told her. But, I knew how it looked. I knew that if she found out, especially after how badly she doubted my loyalty, and how she was about trust...fuck.

I didn't think that Preston would bring the file. I hadn't thought of it, because I was solely focused on getting the websites down more than anything else.

When I had him get a job done, though, he usually sent a small confirmation of the order, just so his clients would know that he didn't bullshit them.

I paid him ten-thousand dollars to erase it all. Since the payment was so much, and the order was so big, I guess he wanted to make sure that I had proof, and that I knew he'd gotten rid of everything. I'd been so entrapped with Maggie, and with keeping her safe that I hadn't thought about it this entire time.

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