May 1998
Stevie had finally arrived back in California the weekend after Lindsey left, as promised. Karen had picked her up from the airport and taken her home to the condo. She helped her carry the bags to the front door.
"I've got it from here, Karen. Thank you so much," Stevie says, smiling at her assistant.
Karen nods, "of course, boss. Is there anything else you need?"
Stevie shakes her head, "not today." She watches Karen leave as she takes her keys from her pocket and opens the door. She grabs her bags and walks inside, closing the door behind her. She leans against it and looks around the condo, noticing all of Lindsey's things are gone.
She walks around, as if it was the first time she'd ever been in her own home. It was the little things she noticed. There were no guitars lying around; no clothes strewn across the floor from the night before because they could barely make it upstairs. His records and books were gone from the shelves; some of his favorite paintings gone from the walls.
She pauses and leans against the couch, recalling the Christmas they spent together. It was quiet and it was just the two of them, exchanging gifts and spending all day watching Christmas movies in their pajamas. There was the New Years Eve they spent together. They opted not to go to any of the parties they were invited to, and instead stayed in to watch the ball drop. She remembers how Lindsey wouldn't let her drink champagne that night, just in case she was pregnant. So they settled for sparkling cider instead and shared a midnight kiss. She closes her eyes and for a moment she swears she can hear the sound of their laughter and feel that midnight kiss.
She runs upstairs to the bedroom and that's when it hits her that he's truly gone. None of this things are there. All of his clothes are gone from the closet. His things are gone from the bathroom. It's all too much for her to handle, and suddenly this place where she had lived for so long didn't feel like home anymore.
She couldn't breathe. She had to get out. She walked back downstairs as quickly as she could and headed straight for the door. Once she was outside she sat down against the door, trying hard to catch her breath. She was sobbing and she couldn't breathe. She was having a full on panic attack and she didn't know what to do. She could call someone, but she would have to go back inside and the thought of that only made her chest feel tighter.
She knew she had to calm down for the sake of the baby, and she was gasping for air; rocking herself back and forth. She rested her hands on her stomach to remind herself that her child was in there and that was more important than her pain. It was just that he was gone. He was really, truly gone and she was all alone. She was all alone with a baby in a home packed with too many memories made in such a small amount of time.
She sat against the door until it was dark out. Thankfully no one had walked by or noticed her. She wasn't ready to go back in there, and she didn't have it in her to get up and leave.
She looks up when someone stops in front of her. She blinks a few times to clear the tears from her eyes and glances at Lindsey.
