June 1999
"Karen, wait, I don't understand how this happened. Lindsey said there were barely any people there." Stevie got out of bed and walked into the hallway, closing the door behind her.
"Hun, it doesn't matter how many people were there if some idiot with a camera recognized them. You know you can't trust anyone in this city. People will do anything to make a buck; including selling pictures of Linds and Max to the media." Karen explains.
Stevie runs her hand through her hair, "damn it! I told him to be more careful!"
"Don't get yourself all worked up and end up back in the hospital," Karen warns.
Stevie takes a couple of deep breaths, "now what?"
"Well, we have to say something. Even if it's just 'Miss Nicks and Mr Buckingham have asked for their privacy at this time.' Something like that should hold them over while you and Lindsey talk."
"If I don't kill him first," she pauses and rubs her forehead, before nodding to herself, "go on and let them release that statement and then I'll call you soon."
Stevie bursts back into the bedroom, "Lindsey, get your ass up."
Lindsey sat up quickly, rubbing his eyes and looking around, "you're not supposed to be out of bed."
"Shut up," she snapped.
"Uh....okay. What's going on?"
"Karen just called. The press got a hold of pictures of Max and you at the beach today and now everyone is speculating about the kids." Stevie explains, pacing the room.
"So? I mean, we were gonna come clean anyway. I know you wanted to wait until the baby was here, but it's too late for that now," Lindsey didn't seem too concerned about the situation, which only annoyed Stevie more.
"No, you can't just sit there and act like this is okay! It's not. The press got a hold of this before we could tell the truth. Are you at all ready for the things they're saying about us?"
"Who cares?" He asks.
"I do! I fucking care! I don't want our kids to see an old magazine some day calling mommy a home wrecker or daddy a cheater! What the fuck, Lindsey? Were you not watching the people around you?" Stevie was yelling and getting visibly upset.
"Oh no, I'm sorry. I was fucking spending time with our son!" Lindsey yelled right back.
Stevie felt Lizzie kicking hard, indicating she didn't like what was happening between her parents, "you should have been watching! You're supposed to protect our kids!"
"Well shit, Stephanie, my fucking bad. I thought I was protecting our son by making sure he didn't drown."
"Damn it, Lindsey. The one thing I ask of you and you can't even manage to do it. I wish I would have picked the other option in your fucking ultimatum!" She screamed at him.
Lindsey looked at her hurt and didn't say anything for a while. Finally he cleared his throat and spoke up, "you really mean that?"
"Yes," she hissed at him angrily.
"Steph, you're angry and you're saying things you don't mean, baby. Stop it," he tried to stay calm and talk to her soothingly.
"No, Lindsey, I do mean it. You were irresponsible!"
"How? I took Max out like you asked me to! I was too busy spending time with him to worry whether or not civilians were taking pictures of us. I kept away from them! I didn't even think they noticed us!" He was now pacing the room and running his hand through his hair.
"You have to be more aware!" She yells again.
"I can't," he says quietly.
"You can't what? You can't be more aware of what's going on around you?"
Lindsey shakes his head, not looking up from his feet, his voice still quiet, "I can't be in this relationship anymore."
"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm about to have your baby and you can't be in this relationship anymore?" She asks incredulously.
He finally looks at her; tears in his eyes, "Steph, you kind of treat me like shit. It's almost like you never really forgave me for leaving the first time. Sometimes you're just downright mean to me. I used to be able to pass it off as hormones, but that's not it. You basically called me a bad father, which I am not, nor have I ever been. Then you tell me you wish I would have just left you to raise the kids on your own. Are you that ashamed?"
She doesn't say anything for a long time as she sits in complete shock at his words, "what? No! I'm not ashamed. I love you and you know that."
"I really, really don't. Especially when you get angry with me about something I have no control over. If it were you it would be fine. It would have been an accident; but because it was me, it's all my fault. I cannot continue to take the fall for everything that goes wrong. I love you but you make me hate myself."
The phone begins to ring off the hook, letting them both know the press had gotten the pictures. They paused the conversation and went around the house to unplug the phones; only leaving the private line in the office plugged in for Karen and their families. While Stevie was alone in the office she took a moment to sit against the desk and began to cry until the sobs wracked he body. Lindsey didn't come to find her; not that she really expected him to.
Finally, she descended from the office to find Lindsey sitting on the living room floor, playing with Max. She stood for a moment in the doorway, watching them quietly.
"Lindsey, we need to finish talking," she says.
He looks up at her, "I said everything I needed to say, Steph. I'm done. I am so sorry; I just can't do this anymore."
"Give me a chance. I'll be better," she begs; eyes filling with tears again.
Lindsey shakes his head, "no you won't, and that's okay, you never really trusted me again. You don't even trust me with our kids. So let's stop wasting each other's time. We can come to some sort of custody agreement. I'll stay in the guest room for a couple of days so I can pack my things and find a place to live."
Stevie sobs and scoops Max up when he crawls over to her, sensing her distress, "Lindsey, please. I love you. I need you."
"I love you too, but you have made it really clear that you don't need me," he says, getting up off the floor. He walks over to her and rests his hand on her stomach, "I swear I will help you with Lizzie. I am not abandoning our children."
She moves away from him, bouncing her crying son gently, "no, you're just abandoning me. You're being a coward."
"Maybe I am, but I have enough self respect not to let you keep treating me like shit," Lindsey says as he kisses Max on the forehead and heads upstairs.
Stevie stands in the same spot, holding Max close and completely unable to move. What had just happened? This morning they were all lying in bed together; as happy as could be, and now her relationship with Lindsey was over. She had pushed him away and lost him again.
Author's Note: This epically sad chapter is 100% dedicated to Laceandpaperflowers because I needed an idea and this is what she gave me. I thought it was beautifully tragic and decided to go with it. You guys don't even know what I would do without her. No one helps me like she does when I get stuck.
