February 1999
Stevie sat in the doctors office, keeping her head down with her sunglasses on, bouncing her knee nervously. She hoped no one would notice her.
"Oh my fucking God, will you relax?" Karen asks, as she did some work on her PDA.
"Shut up, Karen!" Stevie snaps and then immediately regrets it, "I'm sorry."
The nurse calls her name and she quickly stands up. Karen takes her hand, "are you sure you don't want me to come?"
Stevie nods and follows the nurse back to an exam room. She was scared and lonely. Lindsey wasn't there; he didn't even know she was there. Things had been rocky at best since they had their argument about whether or not they should keep this baby.
She sat quietly while the nurse took her vitals, not in her usual mood to make conversation. When the nurse was done she informed her that the doctor would be in shortly.
Stevie laid back and closed her eyes. What the hell was she doing here? Okay, she knew she had to confirm she was pregnant even though she was one hundred percent sure. She placed her hands under the back of her thighs to resist touching her stomach. It was a habit she had developed so as not to get too attached to what was growing inside of her.
Lindsey, on the other hand, couldn't keep his hands off of her. He was always resting his head against her stomach and singing to the baby. He would let Max and Will babble at it whenever they were around. She tried to get him to stop, but the more she tried, the harder he pushed.
Doctor Wilson walked into the room and smiled brightly at her, "hello, Miss Nicks. I understand we might have another pregnancy on our hands."
She smiled nervously, "yes, sir. I took two at home tests and they were positive. I...honestly didn't think this would happen again. I've been nursing Max and between that and my age I didn't really think it was possible. I thought he was my miracle child."
Doctor Wilson listened to her as he got the ultrasound machine set up and nodded along, "it is rare, but it can happen. Sometimes you can still ovulate while nursing and it seems you and your partner may be slightly more fertile than you realized. Sounds like you've got another little miracle on your hands"
Stevie took a deep breath when he turns on the machine. She shivers when the cold gel hits her stomach and suddenly she wishes Lindsey was by her side. The quiet sound of the heartbeat fills the room and she has to wipe her eyes when she starts to cry.
Doctor Wilson points out the baby and smiles, "would you like some pictures?"
She nods absentmindedly and takes the pictures to put them in her purse, where she would keep them to herself.
"Doctor Wilson....if I decide...not to have this baby, I still have some time to think about it?" She asks, not willing to meet his gaze.
"Of course; if that's the path you want to take. My only advice is to make sure it's what you truly want. That's not something you can go back on and it can have extreme emotional consequences," he explains.
Stevie nods and heads out to meet Karen. She doesn't say anything; just quietly takes Karen's hand and walks back to the car with her. She cries quietly the whole way home and for the first time in a long time, Karen had no snarky comments or harsh words. She just held Stevie's hand the whole way home and walked her inside when they get back to Stevie's house.
"Do you need me to stay, honey?" Karen asks.
Stevie shakes her head, "no. Lindsey has the boys out today. I'm going to head upstairs and take a nap."
Karen nods, "we have a meeting tomorrow about the new album. You just let me know if you need me to reschedule."
"No, I'll be there," Stevie hugs her assistant and heads inside. She's grateful for the silence, as much as she misses her baby boy.
She kicks off her boots and heads upstairs. She drops her purse next to the bed before crawling inside. She lies there for a moment before reaching over and grabbing the ultrasound pictures from her purse. She looks at the baby before taking a deep breath and hiding the pictures back in her purse. She rolls over and exhaustion overtakes her.
Lindsey walks into the bedroom when he returns home and sits down on the bed. He leans over and kisses Stevie on the forehead. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles at him, "hi baby."
He smiles back at her, "hey gorgeous," he says, lying down next to her.
Stevie leans over and kisses him gently, "how was your day with the boys?"
"Surprisingly, they did not give two shits about the zoo."
She laughs, "I think they might be a little too young for that."
"Yeah, I figured that out once we got there and they were not amused by the elephants. They liked the petting zoo, though. Max wanted to touch everything. It was so cute." He pulls her close and plays with her hair as she rests her head on his chest.
Stevie doesn't say anything for a while before she takes a deep breath, "Karen took me to the doctor today."
Lindsey stops playing with her hair, "you didn't..."
"No, no. It was just to confirm the pregnancy," she confirms.
"I wish you would have let me come," he replies, resting his hand on her stomach. She promptly moves it away and rests it on her hip. She's desperately trying to keep him from getting attached to it.
"Did you hear....the heartbeat?" Lindsey asks.
"Yeah," she nods, "I heard it."
"How can you not want our baby, Steph?"
She buries her face in his chest and starts crying again, "I don't know if I can do it."
"You won't be doing it alone. You have me."
"Yeah, but that's part of the problem. We're supposed to be working through our issues and I'm terrified you're going to leave me with these two babies and I'm going to have to raise them all alone," she sobs into his chest.
"Stephanie, angel, I'm not going to leave you again. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made and I know that now. I love you and Max and this new baby more than anything in the world. I would be a fucking idiot to walk away from what we have. I will do whatever it takes. If you don't want me to move back in yet; I'll stay at the condo. I will keep going to counseling with you. Whatever it takes." Lindsey was desperately trying to get her to understand that he wasn't going anywhere.
"Surely you can understand why I'm worried, Lindsey," she says as she sits up and looks at him.
"No. No I can't. Not anymore. It's been so long. It's going on a year since I left. Get over it!" He shouts. She gets out of bed, knocking over the contents of her purse.
"But it's so fucking fine for you to bring up my affair with Mick which you should have gotten closure on in the ten years you were gone from the band!" If there was one thing about Stevie, it was that she knew how to give as well as she could get.
"She wanted a history!
"Then tell her to read a motherfucking book." Stevie stormed out of the room to go get Max, who had awakened from his nap and was probably starving.
Lindsey shook his head and kneeled down to clean the contents of Stevie's purse that had fallen to the floor. He pauses when he sees the ultrasound pictures from today of their baby. Their baby. Their little peanut. How could she want to give that up so badly?
When Stevie walked back into the room with Max to get comfortable in bed, she noticed Lindsey sitting on the floor, staring at the picture and crying with his head in his hands.
Was this going to be their life now? Had she ruined it this time around?
