Rusty

- Chapter 29 -

Desirae

Livia is literally the perfect dog. She's so playful but during the evenings she'll happily cuddle with me on the couch. She doesn't need training at all, she's not a puppy but still. I expected to have to do something.

Also, Celia's staying with us for a few days! I was so excited when she asked, she's coming here. To Canada. I don't know why, apparently she has news she wants to tell me in person.

I don't think it's bad news, surely? I mean when we last saw her, or when I last saw her. She was so happy, but who knows.

"What are you thinking about." Jax asks, resting his face into my shoulder. Yes, it's 12 and we're still in bed. We're savouring off season while we can, we only have a week left.

"Celia, she has something to tell me when she gets here." I roll over to face him, he immediately puts his head into the crook of my neck. He's so tired and his voice right now, holy. "It won't be anything bad."

"Then why is she flying out here."

"I think your overthinking it." He says, moving his head back to his pillow.

"Maybe, but she's my best friend, y'know. I worry about her."

He sighs after looking at the time, "I know you do Desi, but she may just want to see you."

"Do you need to go?" I ask, secretly I'm disappointed. I love waking up like this, it'll kill me when I have to wake up alone. "Yeah, sorry baby." I sit up, resting against the headboard of the bed. "Don't worry about it." I smile at him, leaning over to kiss him.

"I'll be home in a few hours, we can go do something." I nod at him and he goes to get ready. They are really overworking him right now, I mean they only started training last week but it's been non-stop.

Livia is still asleep, she looks so precious right now.

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"Desirae!" I wanted to pick Celia up from the airport, I really did. But she insisted on getting an Uber, that makes me more nervous.

"Celia!" I exclaim, heading straight to the doorway to greet her. I do feel bad for Jax right now, major third wheel. "Is Matt not coming?"

"Uhm, no. That's why we need to talk." I look over to Jax quickly, he throws me a confused look before going to the kitchen. Probably to text him.

He's thinking what I'm thinking, there's no way they've got divorced already, right?

"Wanna sit down?" I offer, she nods and we walk towards the couch. "What's up, Celia?"

She sighs and a flush of guilt shows on her face, "It's a lot, are you sure this is okay?"

"Celia, you're my best friend. You can tell me anything." She looks calmer now, she's confusing me so much right now. Like does she look guilty because of something she's done or because she's asking to rant to me.

"I think Matt wants a divorce." What? She thinks? "You think or you know?" She looks at me like she's confused but hurt, "I think I know." What?

"Has he given you a reason to think like that?" I ask her, "I've given him a reason, accidentally."

"Celia, what are you talking about."

"Desirae, I'm pregnant. He doesn't want kids." Oh. How the fuck do I respond to that, do I stay quiet or what? "Celia." I say, sympathetically.

"I don't want sympathy, Des. I want to know what to do." I don't fucking know? 

"I don't know, Celia. Have you told him?"

"No, I left my phone at home and came straight here."

"He doesn't know you're here?" I ask her, mostly in disbelief. I couldn't imagine dropping everything and leaving without telling him. Even Jax told me. Sorry, too soon.

"Should I have told him?" Definitely, "I think it was a bad decision to just up and leave. I mean you're in a different country, not just a different state."

"Trust me, Des. If I could I would have turned the plane around to apologise to him, but I don't know what to do." Let's be honest, this is not my area of expertise.

"I love you, Celia. I really do, but I don't know if I can help you this time." Let's be honest, I never told Jax I was pregnant, the only person I told was his mom. Who swore to keep it a secret, but then told Amber.

"I'm sorry for dropping this on you, Des." She looks so defeated right now, I really, really want to help her. I just can't without bursting into tears myself. "You need to tell him." I tell her. "I'm not saying you need to go home, I would never force you to do that. But you need to call him."

"I know, I know." She gives up trying to fight it off, I give her my phone and she dials in the number. "I'll give you some privacy, I'll come straight back if you need me." She nods at me, tears pooling slightly. I need to get out of here.

I head straight to the kitchen and sit next to Jax. "She's not doing too well, did you hear anything." He shrugs, "Not really, I was going to call him, but it's not my place." I love him.

"Yeah, I told her to call him. She left her phone at home." Which, now I'm saying out loud sounds even more stupid, what if something went wrong? How would she let me know. "She left her phone at her house, in New Jersey?" I nod at him, resting my head on my arm.

"Don't stress about it though, she'll be okay." That's what I'm telling myself, but yet. I just can't believe it.

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"Have you ever been skating?" I ask Celia. Jax is at training again, I want to get out the house though. As much as I love sitting down doing nothing all day, it can get boring. 

"Yeah, I can't do it though. I guess I don't have a good balance."

"I don't think it's got anything to do with balance, it's your posture and how confident you are." That's what I told myself when I first started skating, I still believe that. If you have a fear of falling you aren't going to be good at it, you need to get past it.

"Says you, you skate professionally." I sigh at her and shake my head, "I haven't skated professionally since we moved." I haven't really skated at all, never mind professionally.

"Do you wanna go?" 

"So badly." I tell her, sitting up.

"Let's go then." Thank fuck for that. "I'll go get changed first." She says smiling at me as she disappears up the stairs. It's probably not safe for her to skate, I kinda forgot. "Celia, wait."

"What's up?"

"It's probably not safe, for you to skate right now." I tell her, I'm embarrassed that I forgot to be honest. It's why I stopped skating after he left. "I'll be careful, Des. Promise."

If only she knew what I was protecting her from, there is no careful with skating. When you fall you don't know where you'll land. I don't want her to get hurt, or her baby.

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