Intoxicated By Your Love

The Shiny Star

Enzo

Another day is over, close to my future, far away from my past, my past that has been chasing me since I ran away.

This is the time when I can't get Mia out of my mind, this is when she lives in my head rent free and she makes all my feelings spread back to my heart not gradually, but all at once.
This is the same day that we started dating, the 19th of October.

I miss you Mia, and the songs that I've been writing for you are not capable to ease my load.

Your death is like a huge rock on my chest, that I couldn't move even by an inch, I didn't have a family to call it home, but you were my home, I tried to find the flavour of your lips, thought it was the popular girl's thing, but I was mistaken, I wasn't able to find even its glimpse.
Nothing can ever replace you, darling I don't want you, I desperately need you, and baby you must know the difference, it's painful to know that I'll always lose you, and you'll always leave me even in my dream.

For the taste of your lips I'm craving, love your touch is what I'm missing, not one or two, there are a million reasons to fall for you, so is this what "forever" means, you'll never fade even when you're gone.
I had nothing to lose, I used you and made you lose, I shout my pain but no one can hear, or maybe I can't speak.

They said I didn't ever deserve you, and maybe they knew that I was never good for you.

They say the brain erases the bad memories and keeps on the good ones, what a damn bullshit, I still remember every single one.

How cruel is life to take you from me when you were just 17? What have you seen? Nothing, you've experienced nothing to leave.
I hate the number 17, I hate October, and I hate 2020.

I blame myself, I blame you, I blame that fucking robber, I blame fate, I blame time, for your loss I can't find a blameworthy, I ask who? Why? No answer, I'm unheard, I'm unsettled, I'm unprotected, I'm unadmired, for ages, I'm crying, I'm breaking, I'm burning, I'm bleeding.

I wish I could save us, I wish I could fix that boat before we drown, I wish I allowed you to help me.

This, this what I'm feeling, this what I'm writing, it may be the lyrics for a new song, another song I write about Mia, another song that she will never hear, another song that can never be enough to describe my emotions, another song that won't tell how sorry I am, another song I wish in it to have her back, but she's gone forever yet she still on my mind.

I sit on my bed, I take my guitar trying to create a melody for the lyrics, and I light my cigarette to help me concentrate.
Then Steve comes in and he seems pissed off, he sits on his bed and he makes a heavy sigh.

I've never asked Steve whether it's okay to smoke inside the room or not, how could I forget to ask him? Maybe that's why he's mad, maybe he's too kind to tell me to stop smoking here.

"You're fine with me smoking here, right?". I ask him.
"Yeah, yeah!". He replies, and he lets out a heavier sigh.
"Give me a drag". He requests.
"Didn't know you smoke!". I say handing him my cigarette.
He inhales the smoke and then adds.
"I used to, but I quit". He takes another drag and then he gives it back to me.

He managed to quit, and good for him, I wish I could quit too if I did maybe Mia would have been alive.

Steve is not in his normal mood he's not mad, he seems to be upset, he has been sighing since he entered and he even asked me for a drag of a cigarette something must have disturbed him.

"What's wrong with you?". I ask.
"Finally!". He lets out a breath he has been holding for a while.
"Thought you would never ask!". He adds taking my guitar from between my arms and sits in front of me.

Steve is resentful because Nancy had been avoiding him for two days since they kissed that night she was drunk, I think she's probably shy because of it or maybe she doesn't even remember what happened.

Steve really loves Nancy, he thought it was just a normal crush, but he can't get her out of his mind, he believes she's the one for him.

"I used to be flirty with girls but with Nancy, I can't even say a word". Steve says.

He feels the tension between each other, he's attracted to her and he wants her so badly.

"Just go and tell her!". I suggest.
"No, she'll reject me".
"You won't know unless you try".

Steve is processing my words inside his head, and he agrees on giving it a try, he's a good-looking guy after all, as he indicates.
He's so excited to go and tell her, he doesn't even know where to step or what to do.

"You're done?". I ask.
"Yeah!".
"Give me back that guitar then!". I command him.

He stands up and hands me the guitar, and he heads toward the door holds the knob, then stops and turns back to me smiling.

"You're a good guy!". He says "You don't talk much and you're mysterious but actually you're a good person".

I see his face softens, he takes his hand off the knob, the look in his eyes is affectionate, I know this gaze and what comes after it, especially after such a compliment.

"No, No!". I repeat shaking my head.

He runs in my direction and I put my guitar away, and he jumps on my bed hugging me tightly, and thanking me for encouraging him to confess his love.
After a warm hug that lasted for seconds, Steve leaves.

It's 11:03 pm, Steve is sleeping and snoring loud, he didn't confess his love because he couldn't find Nancy and he cried till he fell asleep.
I roll around on my bed left and right, I listen to a relaxing song, and I count to 100, but nothing works I can't sleep.

I get out of my room to take some fresh air may it helps me to fall asleep.
I walk to the garden of our University, and then I look up at the sky, it's dark with countless radiant stars.

"You're in love with the sky?". A girl asks from behind me.

I turn to find out it's Lydia.

"I always catch you staring at the sky as if you were in love". She explains.

She walks her way to my side and stares at the sky with me.

I was just looking because people say that when someone dies and finds peace he turns into a star.

"I've been looking for Mia but I couldn't ever recognize her". I say.

Maybe she didn't turn into a star because she didn't find peace, or maybe she's mad at me.

YOU CAN'T BE THIS MUCH CRUEL MIA!

Lydia hums and then gasps saying she found her, and she points at the brightest star in the sky.

"That must be her". She smiles and adds."Maybe she's lighting to tell you about her place".

I like how innocent is Lydia, and how she tries to comfort me, but she doesn't know what I've done, she doesn't know what I've become, and she doesn't know that I don't deserve this sympathy.

"That must be her!". I agree softly.
"Now that we found her you can come and see her whenever you miss her". She says smiling and I smile too, and I look at the star and then back to her.

Yeah, that star doesn't shine as bright as her eyes, her ocean eyes stole the night's light just like the moon does with the sun.

"You're free on Sunday?". I ask her and she looks at me blinking wobbly.

I'm doing it again, I'm ambiguous, she's probably thinking that I'm asking her out.
So I explain to her that I'm just scheduling her guitar's first lesson, I promised her to teach her, and I'm a man who keeps his promises.

This is payback for her tenderness.

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