Sincerely

Leeon

We haven't spoken in person since my birthday.

We past by each other in the halls, and he throws me a smile every once in a while. Most of the time I just walk right past him. He knows that I don't mind him. But the whole damn school doesn't need to know by me indicating that I know him.

He offered to give me back my bench that I sit at during lunch. I said yes to the offer, though I haven't gone back yet. I'm never sure if he's going to be there or not, or if he's not just saying I can go back just to get me to talk to him again. I'm not taking the chance to us being seen together at school.

So I text him to see if we could hang out away from the school.

He agrees.

I feel almost guilty, since Cin went out of his way to get me to talk to him again, and I still can't bring myself to even have a simple conversation with him while we're at school. He lit our candle back aflame to keep this friendship alive, and I feel like I'm hardly contributing to fanning it. I feel as if every time I walk past him without even looking him in the eye, I blow a gust of wind at this broken friendship. Cin has the lighter to it, and I'm just here. Existing. While Cin does all the work.

I fucking hate it. I have to do something.

I had already texted him saying we should hang out, the least I can do is figure out where we can go.

Peter taps on my shoulder. And just like that the background noise of the dozens of kids in the cafeteria fills my ears, watering down the thoughts I was initially focused on.

I set my juice box down and look at him, "Hm?"

"The hell are you thinking about? You didn't hear me calling your name?"

"I did. I was just ignoring you." I lie. Though, it wouldn't be that far off from the truth.

"Whatever, I was just gonna ask if you got the English assignment done. I forgot to do mine."

"What does you forgetting to do yours have to do with me?"

"So you can fucking help me, what do you think?" Peter rolled his eyes.

"I'm not doing shit for you, ask your big bro to help you."

"Oh come on, that faggot Sin already turned his in before me, and-"

I stand up abruptly and start putting my wrappers inside of my lunch box.

"Where the hell are you going?" He sounds almost humored.

"Away from you." I say, trying to keep my voice leveled.

"Oh, don't get pissy now-"

"Get pissy? Is it so wrong to get pissy when a fucking ignorant idiot is casually saying slurs and doesn't know when to back the fuck off?" I clench my lunchbox in my hand.

Peter stares at me, and a smug grin grows on his face, "Are you mad cause I called your boyfriend a-"

"He's not my fucking boyfriend. He isn't even my friend, which is lucky for you cause if he were I would've gotten him to kick your ass a long time ago." That wasn't true, I wouldn't ask Cin to do anything violent for me, but Peter doesn't need to know that.

I put my lunchbox in my hand bag and start walking away. If Peter said anything to me as I was walking, I didn't hear him.

Not even 30 seconds into me leaving, the bell rings and people pour out into the halls, taking up every empty space surrounding me, making me feel more and more suffocated.

I check my phone to see if Cin has texted me. Instead I see a text from Mom saying that she'll take me home after the bell rings, since she has to stay at work late tonight.