Sincerely

Leeon

Part of the thrill?

Part of the fucking thrill???

I don't know what crack Cin was snorting in the 5 minutes he was in my bathroom, but he's lost his fucking mind.

Even though his face looks as calm as ever, his heart is banging against my palm. His eyes are pleading, but not in a way of he wants me to for him.

He really wants to do this for me?

"How many guys have you kissed?" I ask.

"Three, I think. Including Jorge."

"How many guys have you dated?"

"None yet." Cin grins.

"So you just go around offering to kiss people to get them out of their safe bubble?"

"Nope. You're the first."

I glare at him, and he holds his ground and still smiles back at me.

My stomach churns uncontrollably. This is just fucking crazy. If this is just an excuse for Cin to kiss me and leave, I swear to fucking Christ I'm never trusting anyone ever again. Cin was right, I can't see myself kissing him. It feels unreal, like it isn't possible. There's so many if, ands, and buts that get in the way of me even picturing it in my mind. He just wants me to skip all of the steps of debunking logic and just jump straight in? For no reason besides the thrill of it?

Every action I do has a purpose behind it. Every thought I think is for a reason. I plan out everything that's going to happen so I don't get any surprises. And I look down on people who do stupid shit like this just for the hell of it. I've never once wondered what it felt like or why people do stupid shit like this. But Cin is trying to introduce me to it. So suddenly and out of the blue like it's nothing. He's making it seem like it means nothing and everything.

It means nothing.

Right.

"Fuck it." I say, defeated.

"Seriously?" Cin squeezes my hand.

I nod and look at him.

"Holy shit I didn't think you had it in you. You really don't have to if you don't want to-"

"Shut the fuck up and lean forward before I change my mind."

Cin shuts up and hesitantly leans down closer to me.

He glances down at my lips, then back up at my eyes.

He holds eye contact.

My face starts to burn.

"What the fuck are we doing-"

"Don't think about it." Cin says.

"How can I possibly not-" I try.

"No thinking, no talking, just do it."

I bite my bottom lip so hard I can feel the taste of metal spilling onto my tongue.

No thinking, right.

I close my eyes and lean forward until I feel his warmth hit my lips.

Something in my chest flickers and tiny fireworks fizzle inside of my stomach.

I tense up, and almost like Cin can sense it, he presses my hand against his thumping chest with one hand, and cups my cheek with the other.

His hand is cold, or my cheeks are just burning. Or both, I don't fucking know.

Don't think. No thinking.

Cin's lips slit open a bit, and I mirror him since I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.