My Allegiance (3)

Chapter 21

(Avengers' Tower, Y/n's POV)

Maria. Fucking. Hill.

Insensitive. Fucking. Bitch.

I found one of Rogers' prized punch bags, and I'm currently taking my anger out of that rather than someone's face.

"Fuck. You. Doctor. Fucking. List," my chest heaves up and down as I punch the bag off its hook and across the room.

I storm over to it and start raining hits down on it, as thought it were List himself lying on the ground.

"Fucking. Asshole!"

The bag splits and sand pours all over me.

"Shit," I sigh, exhausted.

Oh well. Rogers literally has a stash of the things, so I'm sure he won't miss one.

Footsteps down the corridor alert me that someone is on their way, and I inwardly groan. I understand wanting to check up on me, but I left because I wanted to be alone.

I can't say I'm not surprised by the face that appears.

Thor takes in the mess of the room with a nod, "Fancy a sparring partner?"

I raise an eyebrow and fold my arms, "Why?"

"You need to let off some steam. I'm bored. Seems quite logical to me."

"You can't handle it."

"Actually, I think I'm the only person here who might be able to handle it. Our powers are quite similar. Go ahead, try it," he holds out his arm.

"I don't want to hurt you."

He smirks, "Please. As if you could-"

I smile as he winces and draws in a deep breath through gritted teeth when I channel my energy out of my body and up through his arm.

"You were saying?"

"...... It wasn't too bad," he shakes the trembles out of his arm, but his grin returns.

"That wasn't even at half of my full power."

"Very well. It shall be a fist fight. That's fair, don't you think?"

"Alright," I shrug. "If you're so desperate to get beat up by a girl then sure. Let's do it."

"Fantastic," he removes his cape from his shoulders and rolls his neck in preparation.

"You ready?"

"Whenever you are."

I sigh and take a few steps towards him, giving him a feeble punch in the stomach. I really don't want to hurt him.

"Are you serious? Is this a joke? Come on y/n, what the hell was that? I've seen Banner punch better than that without changing into the big green guy."

"I don't know what you're expecting from me."

"Imagine I'm attacking you. Imagine I've just broken in through the window, and I'm coming straight for you. Imagine I'm going to take you to another Hydra-"

I draw my arm back and give him a full-force right hook across the jaw that snaps his head back.

He laughs triumphantly in response, "That's better."

"Don't bring that shit up with me."

"I will if it's what motivates you to fight your hardest. How many times did you have to beg for your life while you were there?"

I send my fist towards him again, but he catches it in his right hand.

"Come on. Push. I know you can do better than that."

With my right still in his hand, I use my left fist to jab him in the lower stomach.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What was it that she said to set you off? Being set free? Stepping out of line? Keeping your thoughts to yourself?"

I elbow him in the throat, then kick him in the back of the knees, sending him down to the floor as he coughs and splutters. But it just reminds me of how Tom was forced onto his knees as he watched his children die in front of him.

"Get up," I demand with an angry sniff, but he's still trying to get air into his lungs. "I said, get up!" I grab his hair and force him up to his feet.

The way that Barnes forced Tom's daughter to stand in front of his son before he slit their throats.

I step away from him and fall forwards onto my knees, letting out a scream full of the pain I've been holding, followed by breaths that get caught in my throat.

Thor, having finally caught his breath, comes and gets on one knee in front of me.

"Fight it y/n. You are stronger than they are. You can fight through this."

"You don't understand," I choke out. "You don't understand what they did. What they put me through."

"You're right. I don't. And, unless you want to tell me, I'm not going to ask because it's none of my business. But you are not there any more. You are here, back with us, and you need to be ready to fight. It could be anywhere, any time. You have to be ready, always."

I nod slowly, then look up to him, "Why do you hate me?"

"Hate you?" he looks confused. "What makes you think that?"

"Ever since I first arrived here, you've wanted me gone. I don't know if I've pissed you off somehow or you don't like what I did for Loki, but I could see it in your eyes whenever you looked at me. You hated me."

"Y/n, that wasn't hatred. Sure, I didn't like you, but I've never hated you."

"Well regardless, why didn't you like me?"

He sighs and his head falls forwards slightly, "I've learned over the years that it's best to keep my guard up around new people until I know I can trust them. I also know that you are the same. You were a very private person when you got here, you still are, but you trust us more than you used to. I didn't like how young you were. How young you are."

"I'm not a kid. I'm 21."

"Y/n, compared to the rest of us, you may as well be a child. And it's not a respect thing, in fact I have an incredible amount of respect for you and for how much you've fought for what you believe in, but it's not fair. If you thought you saw hatred, it's because I hate the fact that you've been dragged into this life so early. It's not fair on you. You deserve a life, full of everything you want and could ever possibly want."

"Thor, I've never had that life. I've never had anything remotely normal. Living like this is all I've ever really known. My parents tried to keep me hidden to keep me safe, then Hydra got me, then I was living in hiding. Again. When I came here, I was really pissed of at Romanoff for not telling me why I was here, but then I was grateful that I'd been given this opportunity. I feel lucky that I get to fight for what's right."

"Well I wouldn't say that. Some of your decisions have been questionable."

"Like you said, I didn't trust you guys. And when there was that whole thing with the fire, I thought that none of you cared about me or what happened to me. I felt dispensable. But then Loki saved me and made me feel greater than that. So I actually think that this has all been an important part of the journey."

"Maybe, maybe not. Alas the journey is not yet over. We still have to find and fight Ultron."

"We will do it. We'll get him, I know we will."

"I know we will too. Also, I'd like to just thank you."

"For what?"

"You believed in my brother when I didn't. If it weren't for you, he may be dead right now."

"Well you did think he was dead. I did too, to be fair."

"Indeed, that was a malicious trick on his part."

"Yeah, but he's good now. He's one of us."

"That he is."