Belonging

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If Eda wasn't experiencing the proximity, she must've considered those brimmed eyes a treachery of her imagination. But they were real. As real as anything could get.
Never in her life did she imagine seeing tears glistening in those green eyes. She had seen reflections of fury, passion, anger, resentment, almost every other emotion in them except for pain.
Eda did not know that this man was even capable of feeling someone else's pain. He was a ruthless criminal. He wasn't supposed to be crying like this. Yet, here he was.
Holding that frail hand, and resisting tears to escape his eyes. She could tell he was murmuring a prayer under his breath. His lips were quivering. For unknown reasons, Eda's heart skipped a beat and she felt helpless. She didn't want to see him like that. She wished to hug him and take away that pain forever.
She had never been good with emotional stuff and even today she couldn't tell what exactly to tell this man that would make him feel at peace. She wanted to tell him that it would be okay, he need not worry but even the words sounded silly in her head. How could he not worry when his entire existence came to a halt after receiving the phone call.
He had been sitting beside her for the last 24 hours, without eating or drinking. And there was only one prayer on his lips. He said he failed her. But Eda did not know what this was about.
"I have never seen you like this." Eda hesitated, looking at him incredulously.
"How?" He raised his gaze.
"Scared. Vulnerable." She articulated the words slowly, not wanting him to be offended.
"I'd ask you if you have to hold the lifeless body of a child." There was disdain in his voice and for a second Eda felt that he was disgusted by what she said. She hated that feeling.
"I didn't mean-"
"You can leave. I won't be available for the next few days." He cut her off immediately and replied to his mistress as he would.
"I can't." Eda pressed her lips and retorted, showing him her index and middle finger held by the tiny hand.
Serkan looked at her and then the little child who deserved better than what he had promised her. Eda knew Serkan wouldn't disturb Nazli. She did not know whether she found an excuse to stay with Serkan and Nazli to know more about their relationship or whether she couldn't help the connection she felt with these two. She couldn't leave Serkan like that, secondly, she was genuinely concerned for Nazli and her heart wanted to be with that child.
....
"Aşkım ! Bitanem! How are you feeling?" After a long wait of 28 hours, Nazli opened her eyes and Serkan felt his soul had revived once again. His face brightened up with a huge smile and Eda couldn't be happier.
"You came!" The little girl murmured.
"Of course I did. Why would I leave my princess?" Serkan replied gently, caressing her ginger hair with utmost gentleness.
"You brought your friend along" Nazli figured out she wasn't holding her mother's hand but Eda, who happened to be Serkan Abi's friend.
Nazli's eyes made Eda uncomfortable and blurted "I can leave-" wondering that maybe she didn't want her around. She was about to leave when Nazli held her fingers tightly and smiled, "Hayır! Stay, I like you."
Nazli's revelation came as a shock to Eda and Serkan who didn't expect her to like Eda, who wasn't great with kids, to begin with. Eda looked at Serkan and Nazli nervously and asked the four-year-old girl, "Neden, why do you like me?"
"You smell good." Nazli shrugged with a pout and beamed at Serkan who couldn't help but hide his smile wondering whether Nazli liked Eda for real or she was just saying it because of him. He did know one thing that Eda was getting nervous and she was struggling with how to act with a child. He decided to break the tension by bringing some bitter things in between.
"Hadi, you have to eat your medicine now."
"I don't want to," Nazli made a face and looked away stubbornly.
"Nazli," Eda noticed how Serkan tried to scare her with his gaze but she couldn't bring himself to use that tone or expression he had at the firm with his employees or even his fiance.
"I am bored." Nazli gave Eda a pout, finding her as a savior because Serkan was still holding the syrup bottle.
"We'll feed ducks after this, I promise." He told her instead of trying to grab her attention. "And of course! I have to tell you about the new horse too. You love them, don't you?"
"You promised last time and left without a goodbye." Nazli reminded him of his broken promise and scrunched her face in dismay. Serkan heaved a sigh, wondering how he is going to deal with this situation now.
Eda looked at how Serkan, the best lawyer in the country, was unable to win an argument from a little girl. He couldn't even force her to take her medicine. Eda might have been bad with this but she thought it wasn't a bad idea to give this a try.
"Tamam, Nazlicim, if you have your meds, your Serkan Abi will show you a trick." She clasped her hand and looked at Nazli with twinkling eyes.
"What trick?" There it was. Eda knew that she hit right on the spot but she didn't see Serkan's dubious expressions.
"He can eat his toenails, do you know that?"
"GERCEKTEN MI?!!!!" An excited Nazli widened her eyes and shrieked in absolute. One couldn't tell that she had been unwell and hadn't opened her eyes lately. On the other hand, Serkan looked at Eda dumbfoundedly. His what-the-actual-fuck is this expression would have cracked her up but instead, she focused on Nazli.
"Hadi hadi eat your meds before he forgets how to do it."
"I don't eat my toe nails." Serkan gritted through his teeth after feeding Nazli one tablespoon of each of the three syrups.
"Oh, You did! Back in childhood." Eda winked with a smirk.
"Ayshe." It took a second for Serkan to realize where this came from.
"She said you were quite a kid."
"This is not funny,"
Eda didn't really enjoy it when Ayshe told her this bit from Serkan's childhood a few weeks back but now she felt grateful. Serkan was pissed and looked cute. In fact, if Eda had, to be honest, he looked even cuter than Nazli and she really wanted to pull his cheeks at the moment. His sulking face was a sight to behold, and these Nazli giggles added cherry to the top.
"It made her have her medicines, what else you want?" Serkan muttered something after he realized that Nazli had drifted back to sleep thanks to the medicines. Thankfully he won't have to eat his toenails after all.
"How about you shut your mouth?" He hissed not wishing to raise his voice and disturb Nazli.
"Make me." Eda looked at him in defiance but a mischievous smile lingered at her face.
"We are sitting right beside a sleeping kid. I don't make out in front of them."
"Tamam. I can't leave, so if you want to just switch off the lights." "Fetch me a blanket as well. It's cold in here."
Eda said it so quickly that Serkan had to take a minute to understand it. Was she really going to stay here? He asked her why was she was being so considerate towards Nazli, they had barely met twice. But Serkan told Eda that he can't leave so it was better for her to go. In fact, he wasn't planning to leave Agva for the next few days and planning on staying with Nazli.

He suggested that Ibo would drop Eda back home but she changed the topic and bombarded him with uncomfortable questions, starting off with "why aren't you leaving?" And this was quite a thing because things at the firm weren't going smoothly and elections were right at the corner. If there was anything, Serkan couldn't afford to leave Istanbul and his work commitments.
"I don't want her to think that I left again."
"You do care for her. Why?"
"I don't appreciate you asking so many questions Eda Yildrim."
"Peki, good night then."
"Good night."

It was a brief interaction but both Eda and Serkan knew that it was useless to continue it. Eda was lying right next to Nazli, who was still holding her fingers. As she wasn't in the middle of the bed, Serkan had no option but to spoon Eda and lay right behind her, and he did that gladly.

"I thought she didn't want me to stay" It had been hours and Eda was unable to sleep. She could feel Serkan's eyes on her and Nazli as well.

"She held your fingers not mine," Serkan whispered in her hair and placed a kiss. Maybe it was his way of assuring her that she was not unwanted.

"She's smart. She did it to make me feel wanted." Eda told him back, realizing that Serkan was good at keeping hearts.

"Rubbish" He shrugged it off and bend his face to give Eda a small kiss.
"I thought you don't make out in front of kids." She whispered along his lips.
"We can make exceptions."

"Shut up! You're such a dick." She giggled but slowly the smile vanished and Serkan knew that a question was burning on her lips since they were here.

She wanted to know things. But he couldn't give her those answers. He can't tell her the reason why he screamed at Nazli's mother and Tolga for not being able to take care of her when it wasn't his place to say anything. But Eda didn't know that he could do that. So far, Eda could tell herself that Nazli's mother wasn't her real mother for sure because there was no way she would have stayed away all this time.

There were a hundred questions going through Eda's mind and it stuck to her maybe if she got to the end of this, she could find something against Serkan that may help her with her father's case. There it was, her revenge coming back to her even in those moments of bliss. Unaware of what was going through her head, Serkan circled her waist and closed his eyes, leaving behind unanswered questions that couldn't be answered by anyone in this world except him.
End

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