Rise Up

Chapter 1: First Day

Maybe it's time for me to get out of this stupid car. I've been sitting in this parking spot for almost half an hour, I should really stop overthinking and do something- like go to work, for example.

Work. 

It's unbelievable. Me- at work. Here in Hungary, during race weekend .

I read one last time the name on the sign in front of my car: Yuki Tsunoda. 

He's a driver who kind of disappeared mysteriously all of a sudden because of "a personal problem" a few days ago.  That's all we know- or at least that's all the team kept saying at the media pen on Thursday.

Maybe he's finally chasing his biggest dream of opening a restaurant?

After one last big breath, I grab my bag and the rest of my belongings from the passenger seat next to me, where just a few minutes ago, Susanne- my manager- was sat, before starting a long session of lots of phone calls, apparently to tell the whole world that I was here for real. I get out of the car trying to keep all the stuff between two hands, while my mind keeps asking: am I really doing this?

After almost two years, fighting mostly with myself- and my family, to be completely honest- I'm back at racing, this time in Formula 1. Who would believe this? Not me, that's for sure. I keep reminding  myself that I'm just a reserve driver for an F1 team, called in for one race, but I can't help my excitement when when a small voice in my head whispers: but what if...?

Let's be honest, I'm a reserve driver for the RedBull teams just because my contract with them wasn't over after my very bad crash in Formula 2 back in 2019. They gave me a huge opportunity with testing their car during pre-season- finally driving a real RB- and then, suddenly, they asked me to sign as their reserve driver. Not because they truly wanted me, but more because "who knows what the future might bring?"- as they kept saying to me for a few weeks before our meeting in Milton Keynes, at the beginning of the year when I eventually signed the contract.

And now? Now I'm in Hungary, ready for the GP where I'm supposed to drive for the Alpha Tauri team, without even have tried their car once. But the real question- or better, the real problem- is: am I really ready after everything I went through?

"Excuse me Miss, if you don't have a paddock pass, you can't get in."

Okay, I definitely walked all the way to the track entrance like a zombie, hearing nothing but my own voice in my head- I should really stop overthinking this much.

"Oh, ehm, yes. I know." I tried to laugh it off but what came out of my mouth was random whispered words making no sense.

Damn, Kiara.Take a deep breath and try again.

"I have my pass right here in my bag, just give me a sec- oh here it is. Ehm, I just need to scan it right?". Before hearing an answer, the strange machine in front of me made a beep and flashed a green light meaning it worked. "Oh, that was easy. Anyway, thanks and have a good day!" I said to the guard, waving at him like a silly child. 

Ok, I'm in. No turning back now.

I feel people's eyes on me but I want to think that it's just my stupid imagination and nothing more. I don't stop walking, I don't dare looking around more than necessary, just enough not to bump into anyone.  But the truth is,  I don't even know where I'm going.

If I were a drama queen- more than I already am-, I'd start thinking that I'm a desperate lonely girl, in a foreign country, with no clue what to do with her life- but the truth is different.

I was used to smaller paddock in F2, perhaps being now here is a bit overwhelming. I accepted this job because I really wanted to make a difference in my pathetic life. I grow up racing, first with the karts and then in these giant beauties, from Formula 4, passing by the F3, straight to F2 where my career sadly stopped due a serious crash, that destroyed not just my opportunity to get promoted in F1 but also-and mostly- my self-confidence, something I still struggle with today.

But hey- look at me now. Helmet on one wrist and a paddock pass in the other, ready to challenge myself and get back to my normal life.

I have to admit that finding the AlphaTauri hospitality wasn't that hard, so here I am in front of it, still alone but at least at my destination.

Should I walk in or wait for someone here?

No, I'll just enter because this blazing sunny day is roasting me like a turkey on the Thanksgiving day.

As I entered, I gasped a little at the cool air conditioning and smile to myself, closing my eyes just for a second, enjoying my cheeks finally cooling down. As soon as I reopened my eyes I found, in front of me, Susanne with a tablet under one arm, her phone and some papers in her hands and a huge grin on her face.

"Finally you're here, I thought you were still chickening out in the car! C'mon girl, they're all waiting for you!".

They? All who, exactly?

She slips her free arm around my shoulder friendly.

"Kiara, honey, I know you're nervous, but there's no need. After all you were so happy when you got this opportunity just a few hours ago. So screw all your stupid self-destroying thoughts and let's enjoy this weekend. Remember: it's just one GP. You're here to show yourself that you're finally ready to go back living completely your amazing past life, doing the thing you love most!".

While I listen to her encouraging words, I can't do anything but smile- she's my manager as I said, but not only this. I met her back in my second year in Formula 3, while I was still with Prema Racing Team and she was my first real manager ever, replacing my dad- who wasn't exactly content with this choice even though he reckoned that he couldn't help me anymore with my career was getting more serious. After the accident she was basically jobless as I had to stop racing due my long recovery, however she didn't leave my side neither a second, even after I asked her to.

After the good prep-talk that seemed to last an eternity, we reached a door where I assumed I'd meet the whole team with a meeting, hoping  it will not be too long as I really need something cool to drink- together with a moment to process what I'm gonna do these days.

As expected, I met almost everyone: from Franz Tost- the boss- to my French teammate Pierre, who seemed to be not that happy to see me, even if we don't know each other at all. Then I was presented to all the mechanics, the guys from the media team who will follow me every minute during the weekend and obviously the engineers, in particular Fred, my race engineer- he seemed ok, actually quite funny.

After a few hours greeting people and being welcomed, it was time to get back to work, as the second free practice session was about to start. I couldn't get in the car yet because of some papers and logistic stuff that I have to take care first. With just Franz, Fred and Susanne by my side, I felt more relaxed and I was almost starting to enjoy the feeling of being back.

Everything looked great: the blue-and-white suit really fitted me, my helmet looked good in contrast with the beautiful car. Free practice was supposed to be an easy one, so I wasn't too worried,  just a tiny bit excited to feel the rush of adrenaline again, exiting the garage.

-_-_-

The sun was finally going down, the session was over, the paddock a bit less full and more quiet, when I was finally left alone in my driver's room. I couldn't believe what has just happened. I pulled off the upper-side of the suit leaving my arms free, put the shining helmet back in its bag on a side-table and then I fell on the blue couch next to the door. Spread out like a starfish, a yawn escaped my mouth and so did a smile- so big that was almost hurting.

After such a frenetic day, I deserve something to drink- no alcohol of course, I'm still in a paddock after all, but maybe a fresh lemonade or whatever could be at the temperature of the Arctic will work. 

I got out of my room with all my stuff in hand, I waved and said "bye" to some employees I met on my way out and I texted Suz my destination- the hotel. Before going out of the hospitality, I asked a girl from the media team where I could go for a drink, because I didn't want to get lost or catch even more attention on me, wandering around in the almost empty paddock.

That's how I reached this paradise spot- a small cafe down the paddock- and I ordered an iced coffe that I drank on my way back to the hotel room, looking forward to an ice-cold shower and a long chat with my parents-- the perfect plan to end my first day.