Rise Up

Chapter 57: Pregnancy-Gate

"Five freaking months, Hannah! I just can't believe it! I'm over the moon!"

"I'm so happy for you, Kiara. It's a really good score for you and your future. Honestly I thought you weren't that ready for this kind of new life but I'm so proud of you for taking so many big responsibilities. You've grown up so much, I hope you're able to see it."

"Yeah, it's difficult to believe it but I have to. I mean it's quite obvious how much I've changed, no? I hope the other people around me will notice that too and will be happy for me. It's- I mean- a bit unexpected... five months, it's a long time!"

I continued talking to Hannah, my dear therapist, for a few more minutes in my driver's room. Our phone call started in occasion of our usual post-race session and then ended in big celebrations for one of the biggest success of my life: it's been five months since my last cigarette.

Only who was or currently is a smoker can understand the proudness of the moment when you realize you don't feel the need anymore of the smoke.

I was lucky to never get totally dependent to it but I must admit that in the most though period of my life, the few minutes spent on inhaling a cigarette became such a comfort place for me, but still a wrong one. With my therapist we managed to solve the problem from its root, understanding the main reason why I felt the need of that kind of toxicity, getting that it was again related to the past accident. Since that day where my car flipped over, my mind got confused, I was feeling always dizzy, submersed in a deep ocean of self-destructive thoughts and useless paranoids that were joking around my mental health. The few minutes spent on a cigarette became the only moment when inhaling I could collect all of them to them releasing them outside of my head, in a liberating way.

"Ok, Han. Thank you again for everything you're doing to me!" I joked again while grabbing my sports-bag and the phone on speaker mode posed on the table next to the door of the little cabin of my changing room. "Sorry to call it short, but I really need to run to the hotel. I need to get ready as we're going out with some other drivers for a drink tonight."

"Oh, it's fine. For anything, I'm just one call away, ok? Enjoy it tonight, don't exaggerate on the drinks and please- share the news with your dearests."

After promised I will do all of these just later, I put the phone in the back pocket of my jeans and head to the door. Little did I know that I would have found Lando just out there.

"Excuse me, sir. Are you maybe a stalker?" I asked him, giving him a wide smile and leaning in for a small kiss on the cheek.

"Ehm, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that I've finished early so I came to get you." He looked a bit lost, disoriented, maybe he was tired because of the race that didn't end up too well for his team.

"So nice from you. Sorry, I was talking to Hannah and, as always, one thing lead to another." I explained him easily, fixing the heavy bag on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I imagined." His short reply made me understand that he wasn't really up for small talks.

"But hey, why didn't you knock? You could enter, you know?" My shared smile didn't get addressed, as his face stayed cold.

"Oh, actually I've just arrived. Anyway, give me your bag, I'll take it."

"What a gentleman I have on my side."

He just smiled at my words, without replying to my teasing and jokes even during all the drive back to the fancy hotel we were staying for the weekend here in Zandvoort.

As soon as we entered in our room, Lando excused himself and locked up in the bathroom to shower and get ready. His unusual silence, the long-face he kept all the time till now and the fact that he didn't even look into my eyes once, was making me tremble on the inside. A thousand negative thoughts invaded my mind, making me shiver at some of them. That would be one of the perfect moment to have a cigarette, but gladly I wasn't that person anymore.