Rise Up

Chapter 13: What To Do

Spa left me speechless and a bit heartbroken. My mind was that full of thoughts that was about to explode.

My parents were encouraging me to go ahead with signing the contract proposed by the RedBull team and accept this big opportunity for racing but I wasn't that sure anymore.

Was I really ready to do this?

We're talking about ten races, not one or two as the plan was at first.

I needed another cigarette to think and slow down a bit my heartbeat but Susanne will throw me down this roof if I dared to tell her.

"Ok, so what's the plan now? I should just accept the path they chose for me and race for the rest of the season?" I asked her, still sat on the floor, staring at the sun going down as the day was coming to an end.

"Well, they actually asked for you to replace Tsunoda. Of course the last word about it it's just yours and nobody else. They're not forcing you into anything, they just hope you will drive for them. That's it." She said focusing on me completely.

"Tell me who they means. Is it Horner?"

"Yes but not only him. Franz suggested your name to the rest of the team, who approved the exact moment they heard it."

"Suz..." I started to rumble, trying to find some good excuses but every time I tried to open my mouth, only loud sighs were able to be heard.

"I know it's a big step, sweetie, but think about the great chance you have in front of you right now. Driving for a half season in Formula 1! This is crazy. You've always dreamed about this, to be a female driver in F1 and now it's your time to shine, to show everyone how much women deserve a chance in this male world, how much you deserve another chance after the bad past. Honesty I think this will also help you gain back your self confidence, it'll be good for your recovering." She turned around a bit, so that she was facing me. "I saw how your eyes sprinkle when you zip up your suit, how you look in awe at the car, how you interact with the mechanics and the engineers, how much enthusiastic you are after a good result. I saw it, the whole team saw it and you did it too as well. So just be honest with yourself for once: you're more than happy to be back at racing."

I wasn't able to say anything at her after all the truths she exposed on the table. Deeply inside of me, I knew how much she was right. It was still difficult to accept it completely though.

"I think I need a little of time to think about it. As you said, it's a big step and I can't decide in a minute for months of my life." For the first time since she gave the big news, I pointed my gaze directly into hers.

"I get it, girl. But they'll give you just 24 hours, otherwise they'll be forced to find another driver in a very short term. This race is now over, so why don't you take a day for yourself and think about it? I'll be there anytime, if you'll need me." She proposed, brushing her hand on my back.

"Yeah, maybe I'll follow your tip after all. Thank Suz, for everything" I hugged her tightly and then we went downstairs again.

When we reached the main room of the hospitality, I felt everyone's gaze on me. Then I noticed all the small moves Suz was making with her head to them, like if she was saying "back off" to everyone, maybe to give me some privacy. She walked me to my room where I grabbed my things in order to get back to the hotel. I needed a long cold shower and some good food before a long sleep- or at least an attempt of rest. Maybe a walk would have helped me too, but I didn't think my knee would agree on that.

After waving and saying goodbyes to Suz and other members of the team, I started to walk alone directed to the parking.

When I reached the car that Honda provided me for the weekend, only a few meters away, I found someone sat quite close to it.