after it all {kokichi angst}

IV

hi..... im really sorry for not posting, ive been going through some stuff, im gna try improving my writing because im really bad with words😭😭 ummmm also im going to try to make the angst a BIT more realistic?? idk.. LMFAO

☆kokichi pov☆

i pushed myself up with my arms, hyperventilating, i just had a nightmare about the killing game, i looked around the room, to confirm i was there and i was safe, it calmed me down a bit so i just layed back down and stared at the roof, i found it oddly comforting, i eventually started to fall asleep again, my alarm woke me up again, i sat up and hit it off, i didnt want to go to school but i had to, i brushed my hair, too lazy to brush my teeth and got changed, i looked at myself in the mirror

tw detailed(?) description of body checking and insecurity, once again the 🔴 will mean its over<3 please if ur struggling with an ed dont read it for how you "think you should look" i promise ur perfect the way you are:(<3.

i hated the way i looked, my uniform was around two sizes too big, i grabbed my left hand, it was pale and boney, i wrapped it around the right hands wrist the hands matched eachother, thin, boney, pale with a green ish tone, the pointer and thumb touching, there was a large gap free since my wrists had almost no fat, this made me smile, i was proud of myself for once, i then wrapped both my hands around my waist, they almost touched without me having to apply force, this upset me that i couldnt fully wrap my hands around, i guess i could fix it in the next week though.

🔴

i grabbed my bag and went downstairs to say bye to my mom, my dad had already left for work i hugged my mom and said bye, "bye hun, wait aren't you gonna eat breakfast?" she asked with a concerned tone "oh.. no dont worry theyre serving breakfast at school" i lied, she gave a sigh and nodded "well.. have a good day, if you need anything call me" she gave a soft smile before i walked out the door.

the walk to school was peaceful, im not sure why but walking was calming.. most things people wouldn't expect me to enjoy i actually did enjoy, i found it funny because it suprised people a lot, once i made it to the bus stop i sat down next to kaede but this time stayed quiet, i didnt even wanna go to school so i was not gonna start a conversation with someone, she tried though "hey kokichi!! oh.. you look more upset then you did yesterday, whats wrong?" she gave me a gentle warm smile which almost made me tell her, but i wasnt able to, i just looked to the right, hoping shed get the idea i didnt want to talk to her, she got the memo and went back to looking at things around her, she never really goes on her phone ive noticed. the bus came and kaede poked me to tell me it was here, i stood up and got on, sitting alone again, that was until the next stop came and tsumugi sat next to me again "sorry ouma.. nobody really likes me so i have to sit next to you.. i hope thats okay." she sighed, i just nodded in response, it annoyed me that was her excuse, basically saying since nobody likes her unfortunately im the last option. i closed my eyes leaning against the window, everything around me just seemed 10x louder i hated it so much.

the bus arrived at the school and i had to lean on tsumugi for support, the less i ate the more difficult standing up got, she didnt seem to mind, once we got off she wrapped her arm around me "you seem like you're gonna tip over" she laughed, i just chuckled in response "well where do you wanna go? your normal bench?" she asked, shes never been a bad person, it was just her role i guess... i nodded and she brought me to the bench at sat down next to me, i leaned on her shoulder, (this isnt tsumugi x kokichi, kokichis literally gay istg😭💀) she went on her phone and started doing random stuff, my vision was blurry so i couldnt see anything, neither did i care what she was doing "oh ouma.. i forgot i had to help a teacher with something, will you be okay on your own?" i nodded, still not saying anything, she got up slowly and walked off.

☆shuichi pov☆

i noticed kokichi and tsumugi were becoming friends, i was glad, the two both had almost no friends so it was good they were becoming eachothers friends, as always in the mornings i was left alone so i went to sit next to kokichi, he looked.. exhausted, more mentally then physically this time "hey ouma.. whats wrong? you look horrible.. " i asked, he looked up at me, he just seemed so miserable, not with his facial expression but i guess you could see it in his eyes? ive always been good at guessing how people feel but oumas a bit different, he changes everything to fit the emotion he wants it to be, even if its not true, ouma didnt say anything for a few seconds before he deeply inhaled, still looking at the floor and blankly said "nothing", he turned his head up to look at me with a completely different expression, before, he just looked 'empty' i guess..? empty, numb, blank, those kind of things but he looked like he wasnt even like that before, his eyebrows were kind of raised in a way that made him seem nice, and he had his usual childish smile on his face, i groaned and silently sat next to him, not sure how to start a conversation, i dont think he knew what to say either, so we just sat in silence.

eventually the bell rang so we walked to class, kokichi sat at his desk with a... normal expression on? "how can someone change moods so quick... but maybe he was just tired?" i thought to myself, trying to ignore the fact of what happened the day before. kokichi was really concerning, he just changed into his old bubbly(?) self a day after freaking out like that?! what the fuck?? i didnt really pay much attention to the class, surprisingly. it was second period now, i stood up and walked to second period, again, i just stared at kokichi the whole time, he seemed to.. actually be listening?? usually hed stay quiet and look like he could burst into tears in a millisecond but he looked normal, the sight made me uncomfortable, sure i hated seeing him upset, but his mood changing in one day?? weird.

end
hey guys!! i hope this chapter was okay, im gonna make it more sad the deeper in the story i get, so it gets more angsty the more the chapters go on.
words: 1204