Hello!! I wrote this on another fic of mine but I've deleted it ): So I thought I'd publish it on here because it's BLACKHILL ANGST <3 Enjoy!
Context: Natasha Romanoff left Maria Hill without a word to join team Cap. No goodbye or note explaining where she was going.
Maria liked to believe Natasha was being cruel to be kind, it was her only explanation. The only explanation as to her all loving wife, the same woman who kissed her goodbye, made them breakfast, pulled her closer every night and held her thigh under the table in debriefings would leave her behind, with no kiss goodbye.
The first few weeks were agonisingly slow, Maria didn't show up to work and waited by the door all day. She often fell asleep with a whiskey bottle in her hands and back pressed against the wall adjacent to the door, hoping her girl would walk in and gather her up in her arms. No apology was needed, Maria just wanted her. But as the days went on and the door never opened Maria began to loose faith. Every night the brunette fell asleep wondering what she did wrong, dreams filled with a faceless red head. Hill was ashamed, she called it weakness of character. But she'd given up, utterly lost all hope. She relied on xanax and whiskey, tempted to mix both. Eager to see if she'd live or die. Wondered if Natasha would care, would she come to the funeral? There was only one way to find out.
The rain which previously threatened to break the windows calmed into a soft pattering. It was peaceful and Maria Hill was so close to peace. She slowly dropped to the floor, spilling the last of the contents out of her bottle, eyes closing swiftly. Goodnight Nat.
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Sunlight streaked through the curtains beaming obnoxiously, Maria's face was illuminated and still. Liho began licking Maria's salty tear streaked face, Maria unmoving. Liho began to hiss and god forbid anyone couldn't ignore that hiss. The brunette groaned, her head felt like a balloon ready to burst her eyes burnt into the back of her head. Bile began to rise from her stomach and venturing to her throat and she automatically threw up, coughing and crying all over her kitchen floor. Bloody saliva and tears mixed together. She threw the bottle across the room, satisfied with the smashing sound as the shards sprinkled around the cold floor. She stood up and began kicking the cabinets, screaming and yelling at the world. Screaming at Nat. Screaming for Nat. Maria Hill needed to feel, she needed to hurt herself and she needed to be angry at Natasha for not giving her a choice, for leaving her to do this shit alone. She was broken. She was beyond repair. But she was Maria Hill, Deputy Director at S.H.I.E.L.D she didn't have time for this crap, she wouldn't let Natasha's actions destroy her anymore. She couldn't.
The days grew longer as summer hit its peak, the weather was warm and comfortable and Maria enjoyed her days with Liho. Liho felt Maria's pain and slowly but surely the two became friends. Liho often joined Maria in Maria's bed (not Natasha's bed) every night, curling up close to each other. Liho greeted Maria with soft purrs, the hissing left long behind them. Maria often went on walks with Fury, the two would often discuss mission reports, debriefings with other agents and their lives. Natasha was never brought up. They were healing and Natasha had become a ghost. A ghost was was alive but a ghost never the less.
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"Liho!!! where are you? Lihoooo, I've got your favourite snack!" Maria shouted upon entrance into her apartment. Where was that silly cat? Maria strolled in, smiling at the thought of Liho doing something stupid again, last week Maria had to coax her down off a shelf because she was too scared to jump down. The brunette placed the shopping bags down onto the counter, she turned her back to open the cupboards, her breath hitched in the back of her throat. Something was wrong, she wasn't alone. The cupboard which held the first aid kid was slightly opened, Maria had caught it in the corner off her eye. She froze, whoever was in her apartment had the advantage as her back was turned to the enemy. Without thinking she dropped to the ground covered by the kitchen counter, her hand snatching the gun out of its holster.
"You have three seconds to come out! I will shoot you" as usual, she was straight to the point. Liho's bell rang as she strolled down to the hallway to greet Maria.
"I didn't know she liked you" came a hesitant voice, filled to the brim with guilt, Maria placed the safety onto her gun. Her face void of any emotion. She would not allow Natasha that, not after all these months. Not after she broke into a million tiny pieces and somehow managed to put every little piece of herself back together. The perfect puzzle, missing one of its pieces.
"You are a fugitive of the law, you need to leave" Maria gave her the opportunity. She was mad at her wife's betrayal but she was feeling kind enough not to alert the authorities of Natasha's presence.
"Masha, I'm sor-" came a faint reply
"Don't"
Maria took Natasha into full view, She'd lost a little weight and she looked more tired, bruises were littered across her knuckles and jaw, and her hair was blonde. Maria did not like it.
"Mia, please. I'm your wife. I love you" she tried.
"No, my wife left me and the last time I checked she was a red head" under any different situation they would've smiled at Maria's dry humour but this wasn't a normal situation
"Mia, I love you" Natasha repeated, awkwardly shifting her weight onto her other foot
"No, Nat" Maria was done, she raised her gun.
"Masha, I know the safety's on, I saw you do it" Natasha stated dryly. Maria knew she'd never shoot and turned around placing the gun onto the counter.
"You didn't even give me a choice!" Maria shouted, turning back around, her voice was fuelled with rage.
"Masha"
"Get out Natalia"
"No."
"You don't belong here. You don't belong anywhere" Natasha wanted to cry at her words. Liho began purring, rubbing her fur against Maria's shoe. Natasha was in awe of the sight. It had been too long. Longer than she expected. She missed Maria with her whole existence.
" I am so sorry, dorogaya" Maria flinched at the term of endearment. If Natasha cared she would of contacted Maria sooner. She wouldn't have left.
"You promised" she spat, "You promised you'd sign the accords, you promised you'd stay. And it meant absolutely fuck all to you Natasha! Get out of my apartment, leave me and my cat the fuck alone. Are you even listening?" Tears began to stain Natasha's face, Maria was not going to comfort her. When Natasha took a step forward to reach out to her wife, Maria took two steps back. Only then did Maria see blood pooling out from underneath Natasha's shirt. She audibly gasped.
"Masha, let me expla - " Natasha fell, Maia caught he in her arms.
"Nat wake up! Nat, Natty! Don't you dare leave me again. Natty, baby, wake up" Natasha didn't give a response. Maria began placing pressure on the wound with one hand and the other began dialling for an ambulance.
