I would like to apologise for this one, because ouch. Inspired by the song 'Glimpse of Us' by Joji, listen to it for the full effect (: Also, I'm planning to write part two of 'Hello' at some point.
An array of stars adorned the little girls bedroom, crayons and toys scattered across the floor. Walls full of childish drawings, her favourite being the one of her and her mom ,Maria, holding her other Mama's hand. She doesn't remember her other mama, she dreams of her but her face is always distorted and blurry. She knows she has red curly hair and green eyes, but that's about it. For as long as she can remember it's been her and her mom, but Maria tells her that her Mama is watching from a far. And, she believes her.
She's cuddled up with her bear and comforter, with Liho at her feet. Both sleeping soundly. Maria watches her from her door, her baby, their baby is safe. That's all Nat had ever wanted. Maria wanted more. She wanted their baby and Natasha. But Natasha is gone, and she's never coming back. She's been dead for almost three years now. God the world was cruel. They had two years of peace after Natasha had returned home from the 'civil war', they'd bought an actual house and painted all the walls together. Maria had gotten pregnant with Nat's egg and some random sperm donor they thought was the best option.
They spent every night together curled up on the sofa watching some cheesy American show which Natasha loved, anything was better than watching James Bond for the 500th time. Natty would rub her hand on Maria's belly in awe of her bump growing bigger by the day. "I'm your mama" She'd say to the bump, "This is your mom, yes you have two moms! You're very lucky we know!" she'd giggle, Maria scoffing at her every time. And when it got too late and Maria's feet were too swollen, Natasha would help her to bed. Holding her in her arms, kissing her head and keeping a protective hand over her stomach as they climbed the stairs.
Maria was snapped back to reality at the sound of her daughter fidgeting in the sheets, she walked over to stroke her hair to soothe her back to sleep. "Shush, dorogoy. You're safe, Momma's here. Sleep now" and the little girl settled. No longer stirring in her sleep but softly snoring away. Liho was woken by Maria's presence and gave her a gentle meow, before nestling back into the warmth of the covers. "Night Night, to you too, Liho". Maria turned around to leave the room to get some sleep, sleep was hard to come by these days, ever since her daughter and herself came back from the blip two and a half years a go to find out Natasha was dead. Maria Hill could not sleep alone, and often found herself asleep in her daughters bed most nights. As she went to open the door to exit, the painting stuck on the wall hit her like a brick. It was two woman, well it was supposed to be. A child's drawing of women consists of a triangle body and a circle for a head with stick arms and stick legs. Never the less, the two woman were holding a little girls hand in between them, a little cat next to them. Maria nearly choked, holding back a sob. "I miss you Natty".
It wasn't that she hated her daughter, no not one bit. But, she looked so much like Nat. Her hair wasn't red but brown but her eyes, gosh, her eyes were the same emerald green and they pierced into Maria's soul every time she looked into them. She would look into her daughters eyes and find a glimpse of Natasha. It was heart breaking, knowing she was dead and being constantly reminded of it through their child. Maria so desperately tried to fall for her daughters touch when she hugged her every day, when she picked her up from nursery, but it wasn't enough. Maria was only reminded of the way it was with Natasha, when she'd get back from a mission and hug her like her life depended on it. And it truly did. Nick would ask her how she was, how it was being a single mother, and Maria would say "I'm fine" or '"I've moved on" but the truth was she was only there passing time with her daughter hoping she'd find a glimpse of Natasha. But every time she would see Natasha, her daughter would do something or behave differently. She wasn't Natasha and she needed to accept that.
She was guilty. She has been for the last year. She only wanted a child under the conditions Natasha would do it all with her. But Natasha wasn't here, was she? After all, It was Nat who wanted a baby. Maria was apprehensive, she didn't want to turn out like a father. An abusive drunk. But Nat had assured her she wouldn't and she'd be the best mom a child could wish for. And, she was. She took her daughter to the park, cinema, play centre, swimming pool and all the theme parks and circus' she could find. Nick often came with them. She would give her all her time, tuck her into bed each night with a kiss on her head and read her stories. She'd make sure to leave the night light on when she left the room so her daughter wouldn't ger scared, and every time she did she'd tell her that there were no monsters under her bed but if she didn't want to sleep alone she was welcome to crawl into her moms bed when she was scared. She wouldn't judge her for being afraid of the dark like most parents. Maria did all these things and yet she couldn't live with herself for resenting her.
Nick had told her it was normal, and one day she wouldn't see Natasha in the little girls eyes but she'd only see her daughter. But they were so fucking similar. They had the same smirk and explosive personality. When she threw tantrums, she'd shout and cry and pout her bottom lip just like Nat did every time she was upset. When she was happy she'd jump up and down and give Maria the biggest hugs, when she was anxious she'd play with her fingers and shift from foot to foot - just like Natasha.
Maria would lay in bed each night and her mind would go to dark places. Would she switch her child for Natasha, would she prefer their child to be dead and Natasha alive? She never answered her own question, she couldn't. It was a vile thought. Their daughter was a miracle, something they both thought they'd never have. A family. But without Natasha, were they really a family? Maria hated herself.
She didn't want to do this alone.
