Ok major warning: discussion of abuse and non consensual sex, and homophobia. This is a story of Natasha Romanoff finding her own identity, that she is free and safe. She can love who she wants too. The Red Room can no longer harm her. THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING.
Black Widow.
Graduated Red Room student.
Natalia Alianovna Romanova.
Moscow, Russia 2006. [6 months before the defection to S.H.I.E.L.D]
Men, they were simple beings. Driven by sex and greed. Natalia was taught this at a very young age. Madame B taught her girls well. "Men are simple, girls, give them your body. Trap your prey. Like a spider catches flies in her webb. Devour them".
She begged them not to steralise her, going as far as to hesitate killing the faceless man during her graduation ceremony. She knew it was stupid, Madame B ridiculed her attempt. "Natalia, poor Natalia, you know better than this. If you don't kill him we'll simply make someone else do it. But this way, it can be quick and painless. That's up to you dear".
Natalia knew that If she graduated, then she'd be steralised. Any hope for a future with freedom and children was gone. She didn't even want to have sex with men, it never appealed to her. Nothing about them stood out to her, but she couldn't understand why. Some of the older girls used to tell her stories about sneaking out of their bunks and sleeping with the Hydra soldiers, it always made her sick. The other girls told her she'd get used to it, maybe even one day enjoy it. But she never did. It always hurt. It always made her feel empty and hollow. She had no worth.
She always felt dirty afterwards. Selling her soul to the Red Room was one thing, but her body? Countless honeypot missions. Seducing rich fat old politicians, ambassadors, generals... Every experience was violating and degrading. It was dirty. When they'd finish, and they always did. They left her naked body on the bed, sore and used. Whatever information she managed to get out of them during their time together never felt worth it to Natalia. But Madame B was always proud. Natalia had brought the Red Room security codes, mission plans and dirty political secrets after each fuck. That's what it was after all: Fucking. Not making love. Simple vile fucking.
She never cried. Oh no, she'd used all of her tears after the first time. She realised soon after her first experience that they enjoyed her pain, watching her cry only made them go harder. But it didn't matter, she learnt to look like she enjoyed it. The Red Room taught their girls to put on a show, and so she did. With every fake giggle and moan and gasp, she was secretly breaking inside. Silently pleading them to stop. Natalia Alinovna Romanova was a whore. A whore used by the Russian KGB. A whore under the survaillance of Madame B. A whore given orders by General Dreykov. They didn't care about her, she was disposable. The world had millions and millions of girls to offer, the Red Room didn't care how many they took.
This leads us to out current predicament. In the city of Moscow, January, Wednesday 22nd 2007 a half dressed 23 year old red head Russian Assassin was currently stabbing an American ambassador to death. She didn't really feel guilty about this one, after all he was involved in the sex trafficking ring. But he wasn't being killed for that, no, the Red Room didn't care about that. She was sent to kill him because he refused to implement General Dreykov's new plan in Congress. Plus, he was an absolute sadist. He fucked her without caring about hurting her. He strangled her so harshly she's pretty sure she's going to have disgusting yellow and purple hand prints around her neck and wrists for the next few months. A constant reminder of her dirty she feels. How dirty she is.
Natalia got dressed and began to dispose of the body when a door creaked open. Her whole body stiffened, she really didn't have the energy for another fight. God, she was so tired. She just wanted it to end. She was sick of murdering people.
