Aftermath | Sebastian Sallow

Chapter 2

"So she speaks." Sebastian said, standing up and slowly crossing the distance between us. I start to grow nervous. I wasn't prepared for a confrontation like this, not now. I turn my body away from him, I cannot bear to look him in the face. No matter how much I want to. I instead pretend to focus my attention on the tall, arched glass windows in the distance looking out into the water. I feel the warmth of his body now standing next to me.

"Can you just answer one question for me, and then I'll never bother you again." His words sting. He doesn't wait for me to respond, and I don't blame him. I've only been avoiding him for the past 4 months or so. The last time we spoke, he was telling me how much he appreciated our friendship.

"I understand the immense weight of what I did, how it upset you. The risk that it put you and everyone else in. The burden of carrying my secret with you everyday. I understand why you can't look at me, can't speak to me. You must hate me. And I don't blame you at all. I just want to know, I need to know- is our friendship unrepairable? Have I completely lost you? I promise I will leave you alone if you truly want nothing to ever do with me again." I can hear the pleading in his voice, the pain.

It cracks something inside of me. A wall that I had put up, and fought so hard to keep it remaining that way. I can feel my body start to tremble. I bite down on my lip to keep it from quivering. I was hurting him. This whole time I was keeping away, I thought I was doing it to protect him from myself.

I start to turn my head towards him, then stop. I drop my gaze. I'm terrified to meet his face, I know I'll completely break if I do.

"Look at me, y/n." His voice is stern, then softens as he says "please, look at me."

I had been so strong this entire time after everything that happened. I had never let myself feel weak, never let myself feel sad. Because I didn't deserve to after everything I did.

But right now, hearing how much I've hurt Sebastian when I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away, I started to break. I turned to face him completely and threw myself at him, clutching onto him with my face buried into his chest. And I cried.

I could tell he wasn't expecting it, to be quite honest it was the last thing I expected too. He gently wrapped on arm around my waist, the other he moved up to the back of my head with his hand rubbing soothing strokes. I could feel his chin resting on the top of my head. He simply said, "I'm here".

My voice cracked, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Sebastian." He suddenly pulled away from me and grabbed my face. I felt so ashamed for him to see me like this, I know I didn't deserve to be the one crying here. He grabbed either side of my face and bent his head down so he was eye level with me. "What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" he said to me. He almost seemed angry when he said it, like I had offended him.

"For everything. For all I put you through. For enabling and encouraging you to go down the path you did. I was so persistent in finding my own answers and gaining enough strength to fight.. to fight Ranrok.." my voice trailed off. "You are not the only one at fault. If I hadn't roped you into my problems, I wouldn't have pushed you like I did. I was facing so much and I pulled you into it with me." At this point the tears were streaming down my face. I was sure I looked a hot mess right now, sure that my once green eyes were probably now red and swollen.

His hands were still cupping my face, he let his thumbs wipe away the tears on my cheeks. Despite how horrible I felt in this moment, there was a flurry of warmth that filled my stomach from his touch. Why am I feeling this way? And now of all times.

We were both quiet, staring into each other's eyes for what felt like forever. I loved the way his amber eyes felt looking into mine, like he truly saw me when he looked at me. Saw me for exactly what I was, and accepted me for who I am.

"Please, don't feel sorry for what happened. I don't blame anything on you. I made my own choices, they were not yours. If anything, despite how much I lost myself to my own emotions, you were the only thing that held me together. I truly believe I wouldn't have been able to come back if it was not for you. I meant it when I said how grateful I was for you. You were my saving grace."

This was too much. I had gone from guilt, to pain, to whatever this warm feeling was building inside of me staring at each other. Holding each other like this. What the hell was going on. How did I lose control so easily? He broke my walls down so easily. And I can't take it.

I feel so vulnerable and raw. It's causing the ancient magic to boil inside my skin. I need to release it. So much of me needs to release. I push Sebastian away and start running towards the stairs to the exit of our common room.

"Y/n! Where are you going!?" I hear Sebastian yell behind me. I freeze and turn, taking one last look behind me. It kills me to leave him like this, but I know if I stay around him any longer I will hurt him. And not just emotionally.

"Don't follow me." I say, knowing he probably will but it's worth a try. I turn away, lifting the hood of my robe, running as fast as I can to my destination. The Forbidden Forest.