soul ties - jiara

Chapter 7

Kiaras POV

My heart stops at his question. He steps closer to me.

"Did they know, Kie? About David?" he asks more quietly this time.

"I mean I told Sarah." I stutter. "I guess she must have told John B. I don't know about the others. But I think Sarah told them too." I honestly say.

"What else don't I know about your life, Kie?" he comes even closer. His hands touch my arm and my back hits the stand. Immediate butterflies crawl in my stomach. I feel lightheaded because of his fingers on my arm. I haven't felt his touch for two years and my body missed it. "Seriously Kie, are you okay?" I nod rapidly. Worry fills his eyes and I just want to kiss that feeling away.

"Thanks, guys..." Sarah bursts into the kitchen. Her eyes land on us. JJ immediately gets away from me and the feeling of his fingerprints endures on my arm. She actually giggles at us when she enters the kitchen. I leave the kitchen swiftly, embarrassed for feeling attracted to someone who is not my boyfriend. I immediately run to the bathroom. What are you doing Kiara? You went surfing with him and flirted with him just like you two were dating. My internal monologue keeps getting mad at me for feeling all of these things for someone besides David. For feeling them for JJ. Like my heart can't accept the fact that me and JJ are over. Our story has come to an end, two years ago. My panic starts to grow while my breath shortens and my throat tightens. My heart rate picks up at an unusual speed. I start to shake and my knees give up on me. I sit on the toilet feeling like the room could swallow me right now, danger alerts invade my head. Intrusive thoughts keep replaying. Suddenly, Sarah and JJ burst into the bathroom.

"Shh, Kie, you're okay. You're okay." Sarah kneels in front of me calming me down just like she used to do over the phone.

"Kie?" He also, kneels in front of me, touching my Ieg. I feel JJ's eyes stuck on me, not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't control my breath and every word sounded distant. "I'll go get David." I hear JJ say.

"NO!" me and Sarah say at the same time. David has no idea that I had this type of panic attack. Or that I took medication for them.

"JJ just leave, okay?" Sarah asks him.

He looks at me, confused and worried. He slowly gets up and shuts the bathroom door. I'm scared because I feel like Im hurting both David and JJ.

"You'll be alright". she says. Immediate flashbacks come into my mind.

"I don't know If I'll ever be able to stop feeling like this," I tell Sarah on the phone, tears running down my face.

"I'm here for you. You'll be alright. I promise." she tells me and the notification sound on my phone comes. I check and it's the link to Fine Line by Harry Styles.

"I miss you, Sarah. I need you." I state back. My panic grew even higher. She told me to hold on. To keep going.

10 hours later, Sarah was in my apartment in Florida.

"I'm here for you now, Kie." she hugged me while I cried as I had never done before. "I don't think my heart will ever be able to stop loving him." my voice breaks.

"Oh, Kie..." my best friend sighs.

"And I miss you guys, I can't believe Im away from you." I reveal.

"Come back Kie. Come back to OBX." she tries to convince me.

"I can't Sarah. I can't be in the same place as he is. It's too painful. It holds too many memories. I need time away from him. I need to get my shit together and get my dream degree."

"I'm on your side, Kie. Whatever you decide to do, I support you," she states. "I love you. We all do."

And then she stayed with me for a whole week. We watched trashy TV shows and she made sure I ate and slept. She made sure I was still breathing.

Like she was doing right now.

"Are you feeling better?" she asks me while my breath returned to it's normal pace.

"I think it's better If I go home. We can meet again for dinner tomorrow." I say.

"It's okay, Kie. I just want you to be okay." Sarah understands. "We have two whole months to catch up with you." she jokes.

"Thank you, for everything." I genuinely thank her.

"P4L, K." she starts doing the pogues handshake.

"P4L, S" I repeat while retrieving the handshake.

We leave the bathroom and come back into the living room, where everyone is hanging out. David is laughing with Pope and John B, and Im glad my friends are trying to get to know my boyfriend and make him feel a part of the group, despite not liking him very much.

"Kie is not feeling very well, she needs to go home and rest," Sarah announces to me. David looks at me worried. "David, can you take her home?" Sarah asks my boyfriend.

"Yes, of course." he immediately gets up, actually making an effort to take care of me. He grabs my jean jacket for me and puts his arms around me to guide me to the car. I look at JJ, a glass of whiskey empty in his hand. He fills it up again and drinks it, immediately not even taking a breath. I know he's trying to process our little moment, plus what he saw. But, right now, jealousy impregnates in his eyes. Tears still surface on mine.

David guides me to the car. We sit there for a while.

"Kiara, what's going on?" he asks me.

"I'm just feeling sick, I guess yesterday's chicken wings weren't very good to me," I answer. He looks at me, not buying my lie but he gulps while nodding.

I'm glad he doesn't pressure me to reveal more. These are the moments where I was grateful David was not much of an emotional talker. Our ride home is silent. No more questions from David. I think he just likes to convince himself that everything is okay. I like to do that too. I like to pretend that my heart doesn't skip a beat every time I look at JJ. I like to pretend that nothing ever happened between me and JJ, today or ever, really. I like to pretend that I don't feel for JJ what I was supposed to feel for David, my boyfriend. When we get home, my parents aren't there. David and I go to bed without communicating a single word to each other. He doesn't even make any type of move on me. After some time, I feel his light snoring, realizing he has fallen asleep. I still feel wide awake contemplating my whole life. All my choices and their consequences. Leaving Outer Banks. Moving to Florida. Starting a relationship with David. Moving to Florida, led to the same anxiety my Kook year had brought me. Panic attack, after panic attack. Pill after pill. Moving to Florida, was also essential to me. Just to stay away from the person who had hurt me the most. I was away from my best friends but at least I was taking my dream degree, and chasing my dream job. David didn't know anything about me or my mental health. It just made things easier. Pretending to be someone I wasn't. pretending to not have my problematic past. Finally, I fall asleep with dried tears on my face.