soul ties - jiara

Chapter 19

Kiara's POV

When I open my eyes, my mind can't understand where I am. I feel soft and comfortable legs under my head, which makes me feel confused. Why would I be sleeping on David's legs? Except they're Davids's legs. These are JJ's legs. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I quickly get up, realizing I fell asleep in the same clothes I was wearing yesterday and next to someone who I shouldn't have. We weren't exactly cuddling but I had been resting the whole night on him. My ex-boyfriend, who my current one decided to label as his biggest enemy. I swiftly check the time only to register it was seven am, which meant that David wouldn't be up for at least an hour more. I still had time to make this mess right. I look in JJ's direction and for the first time since I arrived back in Outer Banks, I can sense him relaxing. He sleeps peacefully with his lips slightly parted while his breath stayed calm and steady. The little rays of sunshine coming from the tiny parcels of the window that were opened lighted his shiny blonde hair. They also lighted all his perfect features. The forehead I used to kiss, the nose I used to rub mine against, the cheeks I used to trace my shaky fingers against, and the lips I used to kiss. Besides that, I could partly see the figure of his body and how his shoulders filled the blue t-shirt he was wearing. The body I used to manifest my love on. Gosh, how much I missed looking at him. I wanted to his hand and intertwine it with mine. The desire I had of brushing the small portions of hair that laid on his eyes. Even though, I would not have the courage of waking him up since he was so soothing state of mind. I wondered if he ever dreamed of me as much as I dreamt about him. If he was dreaming of me right now. Forcing myself out of this internal monologue, I gather the courage to leave the room. I pray that David isn't quite up yet. After listening to his soft snoring coming out of the room we were sharing I relax myself. My heart beats fast when I make my way into the kitchen. What I did was very wrong. I wouldn't like it if David fell asleep in the same room as his ex-girlfriend. But I also didn't like how he had ordered me around or how he referred to JJ. It wasn't his place to tell who I should hang out with or to treat JJ like shit. My head desperately orders me to keep this away from David or else it would bad. Very bad. I swiftly put a blanket on the couch and throw some pillows in there so he would think I had spent the night over there. This is pathetic, I thought to myself. I felt the anxiety criplling in my chest when the guilt invaded every ounce of thoughts I had. I was fucking stupid, I shouldn't have done that. I put my hand on my heart and feel it wanting to come out of my chest. I try to steady the rhythm of my breath while exhaling deeply and calmly a few times.

"Hey." I hear JJ's voice greet me lightly and jump out of scared.

"Shit." I curse. "You scared me, J." I confess to him while trying to hide the panic attack that was just starting.

"I'm sorry." he laughs and puts his hand on shoulder. My breath doesn't calm down because looking at him makes me remember I fell asleep next to him. Worse. It made me realize how much I enjoyed it. His eyes shift courses from happiness to worry. "Hey, are you okay?" he asks while tilting his head. he comes closer to analyze the way my body is acting.

"Yeah." I force out my mouth a whisper.

"You're having one of those again, arent you?" he inquires me. As if my body didn't belong to me anymore I nod my head not being able to lie to him. I couldn't control my beating heart and I couldn't control the number of thoughts running through my head. "Fuck Kie. Sit down, okay?" he guides me to the closest chair. His hands come into my face. His touch alone was enough for my breath to calm a little. But It wasn't complete enough. I still needed it to stop. "Breathe okay. Everything is okay." he reassured me but it all seemed like a blur. "What do you need, Kie?" he asks me desperately. I point to my anxiety medication sitting on the kitchen counter. He grabs the pill bottle and hands it to me. I take out one of those and swallow it down. No water. That's how desperate I felt. He looks at me still worried.

"Thank you." I tell him when I'm able to form words again. His hands are still placed on my face just like he needed to make sure that I was really okay.

"You good?" he inquires me again.

"Im good." I reassure him. For a while, his eyesight switches from me to the pill bottle sitting on the kitchen counter. Fuck that shouldn't be there. It must be so triggering. "Sorry, that shouldn't be there." I admit to taking him out of his trance.

"No, it's all good." he shakes his head violently.

"No, it's not." I grab the container as fast as I can. "You shouldn't be surrounded by any type of medication."

"Kie, it's fine really..." he starts to tell me.

"No, I'll hide all of them just in case." I reassure him starting to grab all of the bottles I can find and putting them in my bag. "I need you clean, okay?" I make sure he knows how much his sobriety means to everyone that cares about him. Especially me. I needed him healthy.

"Kie..." he tries to say while I frantically attempt to grab all of the bottles I see. "Kie!" I still don't listen to him. "Kie!" he says louder this time grabbing both my shoulders and attention. "It's all good! I promise you!" his hands still on my shoulders make my whole skin be covered in goosebumps. "Calm down, Kie. I don't like seeing you like that." he takes his hands off my body and looks at the ground.

"I'm sorry." I whisper ashamed of my agitated behavior.

"No I'm not trying to make you feel guilty..." he stutters. "Look, thank you for that I just want you to know that I want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of me." my heart melts. If I could make a wish right now it would be for him to stop feeling the consuming pain that led him to consume drugs. before our little moment escalates he cuts it off by saying "I have a class to teach at 8 am, so I probably should go." he informs me.

"You feel able to teach it? It's okay to take a break, J." I make sure he knows how much I care about his well-being.

"What about If you came to teach it again with me?" he proposes to me. His head lightly tilts to the left while he says it.

"You know what? I'm in." I agree with taking his offer.

"Let's go, then!" he excitedly says. Before leaving I debate whether I should leave a note to let David know where I went. But he would freak out. Plus he doesn't deserve to have that kind of information after the way he treated me last night.