soul ties - jiara

Chapter 17

Kiara's POV

Loving someone who was addicted to any substance was probably some of the most challenging things I have ever had to face. Sometimes they couldn't control that they loved addiction more than they loved anything else. More than they loved themselves. More than they loved you. It was heartwrenching to realize that. And It was heartwrenching to see them describing it. When JJ admitted all of those things to me, tonight, it made me change my perspective. At first, I thought someone who was doing that to themselves was selfish since they were causing pain to the ones around them who loved them. But now I knew in their heads it wasn't an option it was a need to shut off.  My arms sit around his muscular body after him making the most significant promise he has ever made to anyone. He promised to choose the people in his life instead of the drugs. I know that in his heart that promise meant everything to him. The thing is, I was afraid that the immense need for drugs that subsisted in his head was stronger than the wish of his heart. because that's how addiction works. The thoughts are never under control. He pulls away from the hug, then proceeds to scratch his swollen red eyes that translate his pain into the physical form. His hair is messy from frantically running his hands through it while opening up to me. As my attention only focuses on him and his features, my heart swells. His ocean-blue eyes are the most stunning ones I have ever seen. His shiny blonde hair, which desperately needs a cut, makes me want to run my fingers through it. His lips which are still shaking from the anxiety, are the most perfect ones my eyes have laid sight on. His arms are built to the perfect amount, his chest wider since the first time I looked in his direction. I remember the first time I ever really paid attention to him like it was today. I mean I had already encountered him since Outer Banks was a small island, but I had never really paid close attention to him before a certain moment.

I and Sarah had been invited to this party by Topper. I was smoking a joint for the first time and had only drank one beer. The party had both Kooks and Pogues in it and I envied the way Pogues lived. I know they would probably kill to have just some part of what I had, and that made me feel bad. But it didn't stop me from desiring their lifestyle. They were free-spirited and didn't have all of these fancy events to attend or fancy shit to endure. I was jealous of the freedom of their way of living. I craved the true connections they had. I craved their "never gave a shit" attitude. I didn't care about the money. never did. I only cared about surfing and the ambient. I was so tired of friendships based on status and how many dollars my parents had in their bank accounts. I felt myself staring at one of them. JJ Maybank is definitely from the wrong side of the track. His blonde hair was the shiniest one I had ever seen and he looked older than a freshman. He looked at least 16, even though I knew he was the same age as I was. I felt him staring right back at me, while a joint lay between his lips. He didn't feel intimidated by my stare, he was pretty confident about maintaining eye contact. He smirked and winked at me. My stomach flipped and I felt something I had never truly felt for anyone. Desire. I relished his astonishing features for a while more and I thought to myself. "I want him to be a part of my life." It didn't matter If we were friends or more I just wanted to be close to him. At that moment, I also wished he had been my first kiss. That would be iconic for me to have this guy as my first kiss. He still stared right back at me and I still did the same. Suddenly a guy who I believed was named John B stole JJ's attention from me. They laughed at each other and pretended to fight. Oh, how I wanted to smack the shit out of that John B guy from carrying off the attention of those ocean blue eyes from me. Suddenly, Sarah taps on my arm.

"Oh Kie you go for the bad ones, definitely. " she switched his sight between me and JJ. "JJ Maybank is the most dangerous choice ever." she laughs. "But again I know how much you love a challenge." she was damn right. I loved a hard challenge and that Maybank guy was s serious one.