Me and that's it

The best as you can

After a long time here again, no, I don't mean online, I mean back at grandparents. It might sound as fun to visit your really close relatives, but in my case, it's not that awesome as it could be. Many people don't care in my life. There are some, who care, but I have a little bit complicated relationship with those who just pretend that they are my family and want me to act the same. For example, with my grandparents. 

     We decided to make a little trip and visit them, actually, It hasn't been a little trip, it took us nearly 5 hours by train to get there. I don't complain, I enjoy traveling on my own and it's even better to have my sister next to me. We were having fun, looking out through the window, talking to strangers, buying food in the city we don't really know because we were starving. That all is great.

     I'd like to write about great things and I am gonna do it as well, but first, there's a one thing which you should be familiar with before I start writing about fabulous moments which I have lived (really lived). We've arrived and after about an hour later, my grandma decided to talk to us, to teach us that life isn't that awesome as I imagine it. That not everything has to be just good, that I should start to be grateful for what I have, for my parents working hard, that my parents need rest from us sometimes and so on and so on... But then, she started telling me that I am upsetting my sister because I am too good and she wants to be as I am, to have great marks, to have extracurricular activities like me, to have friends. That I should give her more space and stop telling her about my dream, stop showing her opportunities. That she just simply doesn't have that great potential to achieve that much and that it's stressing her. She is studying go much and due to this, she doesn't have any friends, that she wants to shine. Well, you know what's funny? No? Okay, so I'll tell you. We meet our grandparents about 6 time a year only for few hours. And she dares to say this.

     To explain it all, I am ambitious, but it's better than to be unwilling to live hidden in my room on my own, to have no perspectives, no motivation. It's happened to me, it might still happen, I am trying to be different in this, to finally be happier, to see things from different perspectives. I wanted to lose everything, to somehow lose the chance to continue because I thought I am not enough, I am a burden for everyone, for my friends, for my family, even for me. I am trying to feel the freedom, to spread motivation around because it motivates me as well. Yeah, I finally decided to stand up again, maybe for fifth time, but I did. And my grandma is spreading negativity and is hurting me, it hurts, it doesn't have to. I was trying to explain to her, how powerful the words can be. That they can cause more harm than anyone would be expecting.

     But what upset me the most was that she has has underestimated my sister. I know that she's a different person than I am. But she is awesome as she is, her smile, her originality, kindness... She's smart and original in her own way, she's a good person, that's important. I am motivating her in this way, that she can achieve whatever she dreams of, if she's gonna do her best, it's enough. She has right to be herself, she deserves respect, acceptance, everyone of us does. I love her. And yeah, it might sound pathetic, but she means a lot to me. We both deserve to be individuals.

     I had to record a video for a competition in presenting poems, as always, I've written my own, this time in German language. We've recorded it outside, in the middle of the square in the city, which I don't know very well. I've had mixed feelings, I was presenting my inner voice not wanting to give up anymore, I don't know if this kind of topic is accurate for school competition, yet I did it anyway. I was shouting a bit, laughing as well, I felt sad, but also free, I felt my self starting to live in me again. Not only bad things happen. All you have to do, is to find at least a bit positivity and joy in yourself. I'm not the best in it, but I am doing it the best as I can, and it changes many things in my life.