Me and that's it

Shining words

The shadow of a small creature is surrounded by unimaginable number of small lights getting closer and closer. The creature doesn't seem to be noticing that something suspicious is happening around and not even after tenths of minutes isn't moving itself.

     Should we be afraid that something bad might happen to something looking that vulnerable? Should we protect the future of a small creature which is a person, but you can only notice it after a closer look. We observe the lights, it this moment, touching her skin. Without waiting, after few seconds, they are completely submerged in her body and she still seems to be alright. But now, we can see her moving, shaking a little bit and she also seems to be breathing. She looks like if she has escaped from something very unpleasant and seems freer than an hour ago. 

But what's wrong with this person and why does the magic seem to spread all around, even when we know that something like magic is in the reality more than impossible? Hard to say, but I, as the only one from the group, found enough bravery in me to approach her and have a look at her from very close. She is crying. Not from the pain, but it seems like the tears dripping from her eyes are tears of the freedom itself. What that horrible could have happened that now she seems that enlightened?

She is shining, but not in an expected way. When you come closer, there is something drawing your attention towards her and also pulling everything good in you to your surface so everyone can see it. How is that even possible?

Without any questions, she reaches my hand and shakes it to greet me. I still don't recognize her even when I am already living in this dormitory for two months. I am not crazy, I promise, not even drunk, but an idea appears in my head. She definitely has to have a story to tell. what could it be? She doesn't look very old, I don't even know how is that possible that she has appeared on the place for university students. This is a mystery which deserves to be solved, but I don't know how.

She looks at me. She has deep brown eyes which dig themselves in to you till they don't see the best of you hidden under your skin. She smiles. I don't get why. She starts speaking: "Why did you come?" I lose my inner security, because her words don't sound as words of a kid. They sound peaceful, balanced and very wise. Like I was the one who seems to be looking for help. I don't reply, I just look at her and she knows why. She has probably found a way, how to see the world from  yet undiscovered perspectives.

So we just sit next to each other, staring to nowhere. And then, as a struck of a lightning from the clear sky, I understand who she is. She's me....

I am 18, sitting in front of the student dormitory, thinking. The midnight is slowly approaching and I am holding my pocket knife in my right hand having the last ten minutes of my life left. I am asking the night itself, why this should be my faith. I wasn't expecting a reply.

I wish that someone came and saved me from myself, that someone could erase my insane mind so that I could begin from the very beginning again. Nothing happens. The bells on the tower in the city center announce midnight and with the last struck of the bell my life slowly fades away and I am left in a complete emptiness.

And when I remember all this, I know that I am the only one who can save myself, because now I know that my life can still be lived. I didn't know that before. I hug myself tightly and whisper into my own ear the words, which have once changed the perceiving of myself, but if I died, I would never hear them again. "You are very special, girl, and when you start to understand it, it becomes your superpower."

And this was the night, when I have saved my own life... and those lights were the words, which I heard from people believing in me and seeing more than I was able to.