transcendence || 5sos

four

"I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run."

-Bea Miller//Force of Nature

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Tia was starting to get worried. Her best friend hasn't texted back since Friday, and it was already Monday; the first day of finals and also the last time Tia would ever have to suffer through that day of the week for the school year. Lily would never miss such an important week for academics, so it came as a shock to Tia.

She assumed Lily had been with Zac the entire time, however when she tried to contact him, she reached no end.

And at lunch, Tia still couldn't find her. She'd called her a relentless amount of times but to no avail. She would definitely need to stop by Lily's place before she made it home, she was practically a loner without her best friend.

Overwhelmed, Tia decided to not eat her lunch because it felt like she would throw up anything that she consumed. She was always the type to worry way too much, and got extremely nauseous when she did so.

It didn't help at all that the situation with her mom still hadn't been decided. When her dad came home late at night, far after the time she came back from Calum's hotel room, he looked like he had not slept for three days straight. He simply replied with a grunt when Tia tried to mention the subject, and he would take his glasses off and rub his eyes with disdain. Tia hated seeing her father like that; tired and hopeless. For a man who did so much for her he shouldn't have to deal with all the crap he was put through.

Tia so badly wanted to hate her mother for all she did to her and how she abandoned her whole family, but when she thought about it, she couldn't bring herself to feel malice. To Tia, her mother was now just a stranger asking for a second chance-something a few days ago Tia would not give.

But now it felt like she was being pushed into a corner. Her dad didn't know how her mom used to treat her; she hid that away deep inside. The only time she had resurfaced it was when one day Tia came to school with a bruise on her wrist, and Lily would not let her go until she explained its origins. She had to consider both the positives and negatives of talking to her mother. She would obviously never forgive her, it was more of the matter about forgetting and letting go. Ashton would be back soon enough, and once he was, she was entirely sure that she would be forced to communicate with her mother somehow.

Tia still had her doubts about what had happened to Cheryl that made her forget everything, and if that had even happened at all. Nobody could blame Tia for the fact that she was skeptical about her mother's sudden amnesia. It all seemed so unbelievable and fake that it was taking all of Tia's willpower to actually believe Ashton's words about that.

Thoughts drowned her mind as she walked away from the cafeteria instead of towards it, and Tia made her way to the library instead. At least she wouldn't have to hear the screams and laughter of the other teenagers around her. Sometimes the happiness of others around her would make her so angry; especially when she was being cornered by her own problems, it annoyed her that other people could so easily be joyful while she was hurting. Tia hated that about herself, though. She didn't want to have to think of others as annoyances, she wanted to be the fearless and courageous type of girl. The one that didn't let other people's words and actions get in the way of what they wanted, and how they could easily let go and live, not thinking about the consequences that would follow.

It also slightly worried her that she found the finals earlier that day to be extremely hard. Perhaps she was starting to let her mind drift so far that she was beginning to fail school. Tia was always the type to worry about her grades, another thing she wished she could change about herself. Her constant stress about the next project that was due was holding her back from the better things in life. Putting it simply, school was holding her back from being who she really was.