Street Lights || Sim Jake

34 ¦ Dazed and Confused

"Hola, Stel." Abuela's smile brightened my mood and I relaxed right away when I felt her warm hands around mine. "Hola, Abuelita."

My grandmother stroked the back of my hand with her thumbs and looked at me a little worried. "Are you okay?" I nodded. Of course she could read me. "Just school, which is a little stressful. Don't worry about it."

I sat down at her bedside and eyed the new wires that were hooked up to her. "Just a few IVs. The surgery is tomorrow and I'm so glad you came today." Grandma sat up slightly and leaned closer to me. "Because I'm pretty scared." She flashed me a grin and I snuggled up to her.

"Abuela and scared? I didn't even know that existed," I joked and then let her pull me all the way onto the bed. She put her blanket over my legs and closed her eyes for a moment.

Jay had taken Melissa home and then gone to the race track again, since everyone had to be present again. When I had asked why they were meeting again, Jay just said that Oliver wanted them to train some more and with the lights from the garages they could light the trail very well. None of this was any of my business, so I focused back on my grandmother, who eyed me quite skeptically as I looked back at her.

"What's on your mind?" I shook my head and waved it off. "Nothing serious." "I didn't teach you to lie, Estela." I pressed my lips together tightly as I looked at her with a pleading look. "Okay, if you don't want to talk about it, I guess I'll just have to accept that."

Abuela pulled a face and acted offended. That didn't wash with me, though, and I merely poked her in the cheek. She slapped my hand away and looked at me warningly. I was aware she wasn't serious and chuckled.

"Did that boy, what's-his-name, get you? Oh yeah. Jake. Did he take you home yesterday?" Clearly visible, I tensed, but tried to cover it up. Abuela didn't need to know I'd taken the tramway home yesterday, so I nodded. "Yes, he did."

"I hit it right on the nose, didn't I?" She stroked her hand down my back and looked at me urgently. Why could she read me so well?

Knowing I wouldn't get around it, I nodded again and looked down at my fingers, which I intertwined. "It's not just him..." "Heeseung?" Without lifting my gaze, I confirmed her guess and exhaled deeply.

"I'm confused." Cautiously, my eyes sought my grandmother's. She looked at me calmly, waiting for my explanation. "Jake has always helped me with Heeseung and something happened yesterday that makes me question my feelings." I was careful about my choice of words.

"I've always thought it was the nagging feelings for Heeseung that have plagued me the past few days, but yesterday Jake said something that also makes me think I'm feeling all this for him."

I rubbed my temples and moistened my lips. "I don't know what to think now. So much has happened lately. It's pure chaos inside me. Are my feelings for Heeseung or for Jake?"

I felt really stupid as a straw. How stupid could you possibly be not to know your feelings? All this blaming, which I was now doing to myself as well, was only making things worse. "This is all so stupid. I could beat myself up for such a stupid mess."