THE SWEETEST SIN(BxB)

59: No Tears Left To Cry.

CARL.

Tears surged from my swollen eyes, scalding my lean cheeks as loud sobs erupted from my quivering lips. I was in bed, curled in a foetal position, hugging and sobbing into my pillow. I didn't even bother to take off my shoes and clothes from my date earlier.

All I wanted to do was cry till there were no tears left to cry.

It hurt so fucking much.

Felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and all that was left was a void of misery and pain. A pain that no amount of tears could wash away; one that he had inflicted by cheating on me.

The images of him having sex with her slithered in my mind, replaying on repeat like a broken record and adding the pain to my already aching head.

He was one of the things that I was certain about in my life. He was my happiness; the reason for my smile. With him, I found hope and love; two of the things that I never thought a person like me would ever get to experience. Because for a long time I was hidden away in the safety of my closet. Scared of exposing the real me to the world. Afraid of the brutal consequences that would result from my coming out.

But then he came along and showed me that I needed to embrace my truth. He made me feel okay for being myself. Even when my parents wanted nothing to do with me after my coming out, he was there for me through it all.

He was my pillar. My strength.

He made me feel loved and truly seen. Made me believe in the possibility of a happy ending. He embraced every part of me, even the ugly and scarred ones. He made me believe that I was worthy of being loved. Made me feel special.

And I willingly gave him the keys to my heart; trusted him completely with it.

I should have known that he was going to break it the first chance he got. I should have known that everything that happened between us was a lie. He was never in love with me. To him, I was just one of his regular affairs.

I was a toy that he used and got tired of. A fling that he got bored of.

God, I was an idiot for thinking that Gavin Mileford was in love with someone like me. He is and always will be a fuck boy...a very straight fuck boy.

What we had was just one of his many sexual adventures. Nothing real. I let him use me again. I should have listened to the voice in my head. It warned me to stay away from him, because it knew that he was eventually going to hurt me.

But my stupid self ignored that little voice in my head. And now here I am, crying my eyes out for him. The boy who broke my heart and walked all over the shattered pieces without a care.

Everything was a lie. All the beautiful memories we shared; the laughter, romance, tears...were all a big fat lie.

And I fell for all of it like an idiot.

"I'm a fucking idiot!" I screamed, tears spilling from my eyes as heavy sobs departed my mouth. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed my lungs out. I sat up in bed and started punching the pillows while crying loudly. I threw the pillow, one after another across the room. I shredded the bedsheet using my hands while crying.

The sheets reeked of his cologne. I wanted to get rid of everything that reminded me of him. And that's exactly what I did.

It's a good thing Melissa the psycho had burned all the clothes that Gavin had bought me. She forgot his sweat shirt... it's the same shirt he had lent me on the rainy night that he had given me a ride home. I grabbed the neatly folded shirt from my closet shelf, tears stinging my eyes as the memory of that night flooded my mind.