THE SWEETEST SIN(BxB)

39: The Night Visit.

CARL

I broke his heart again. I didn't even have the courage to look him in the eye. I broke up with him through a text. Then blocked his number so that he doesn't text or call me. I did the right thing. For once, I made a decision with my head and not my heart. Because I knew that my heart would betray me. It would have chosen him instead.

But sacrifices had to be made. I had to let him go. It was for the best. My family comes first. 

After the news of my coming out went viral, dad's heart condition worsened. He had to be admitted in the hospital for a week. The thought of losing my dad haunted me every day. If it wasn't for Gavin being by my side and assuring me that everything was going to be okay, then I would have crumbled.

He was there with me. Every step of the way.

And today I threw him aside like he meant nothing. It was either him or my family and I chose the latter. I should have chosen him because he is more than family. He is my life force. Without him, I feel dead.

I know that he is going to hate me. But he will learn to live without me. He will move on and so will I. It will be like nothing ever happened between us. We will go back to being enemies or strangers. It's better this way.

It hurts so much. The ache in my chest refuses to go away. I have been crying for hours. My head hurts and my eyes are sore. Looking through old photos of him and me, I relived every moment through the beautiful memories we shared.

A sad smile crawled to my tear stained face when I saw the shirtless photo which I had taken of him when we were at the beach. He looked so happy and sexy in the photo. I traced my hand on his image at the screen of my phone. As though caressing his photo would suddenly take away all the pain bottled up inside me.

I scrolled through my gallery, which was stacked with more of his photos. I wanted to delete every photo of his. To erase him from my mind once and for all. Because the more I thought of him, the more I held out hope that someday he will be mine again. He will never be mine and I should have realized that sooner.

I knew that my faith forbade same sex relationship but I stubbornly went ahead and dated a boy. I hoped that maybe someday my parents would be more accepting of my choices but I was wrong. I was willing to live my life as I see fit with or without their approval. That is until the conversation I had with my mother earlier in the afternoon. She had asked me to choose between my family and Gavin.

And I chose my family. I did what any son would do.

Then why won't this throb in my chest go away? Why do I feel empty inside? Like I just lost the most important part of me?

"Meow." Fluffles purred as she curled on my lap. She was a white, fluffy cat that Gavin had gotten me as a present on our first official date. I ran my hand through her soft fur as she purred. The warmth and softness of her fur drove a calming sensation through my body.

"I miss him so much." I sighed, stroking the feline's fur. Fluffles purred in response. "It had to be done. I had to end things with him. It was the only way." I convinced myself but it didn't make me feel better about my decision.

Suddenly, my phone chimed. Swiftly, I rushed to check the message notification. Silently praying it's him even though I had blocked his number. The text was from Lorenzo.

"Thank God it's him." I mumbled, hiding the disappointment that was gnawing at my insides.

Hey Lito, how are you holding up? I read his text.

I am still alive so I guess I'm taking the break up better. I typed back.

I'm here if you wanna talk. He texted.