Healing (KTH, featuring KNJ)

Chapter 78

This wasn't the first time he'd arrived at Clara's parents' apartment with no idea how to face them beyond dropping to his knees and begging for forgiveness. If he was second guessing if he had ruined Clara's life, he was sure they were asking themselves the same thing by now.

So Taehyung was surprised to find that after he let himself into the apartment Mr. Kim didn't chastise him. He simply patted Taehyung on the back and said "your wife needs you, we can talk later".

As Taehyung made his way down the hall to her bedroom everything seemed surprisingly quiet. He wondered if the boys might be nursing. But when he entered the room he discovered Clara lying on the bed facing the wall without the boys in sight. Quietly slipping into the room he laid down behind her, pulling her close to him.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been home and I know I didn't check on you like I should have. I don't even have any excuse except to say I'm sorry. I'm still figuring out how to be a good husband and dad and I obviously failed."

Clara really didn't respond, she just kept staring at the wall not really acknowledging him at all. He felt it wasn't fair to push her since he had been in the wrong, so instead he kissed her temple. "I'm going to go check in on the boys, I'll be back."

With a gentle pat on her hip he got up to find the boys. He was surprised to see their cribs moved into Clara's parents room. He picked up one of the boys who looked like he was about to become fussy, and after a diaper change he went to the living room to find out what was happening.

Mr. Kim gave Taehyung a tight smile. "I see you found your boys."

"Yes, but why did you move them into your bedroom, is Clara having that much trouble sleeping?"

Mr. Kim sighed. "It's a little bit more complicated than that Taehyung-ah. We think Clara has postpartum depression. Did you notice anything before she moved over here?"

"Well, I guess now that you mention it I did come home once and the boys were crying while Clara was just hiding under the covers. And she was crying other times too. But she was tired and her hormones were out of whack after having the baby, so I thought it was just normal."

"Well it seems to be getting worse. And when you didn't come home for a few days she seemed to become even more fragile. So we thought it would be best for her and the boys if the twins moved into our room on a temporary basis so Clara could focus on her own rest and recovery. Dr. Park has come for a few days now and has prescribed her some medication but he said it might take a bit to really have an effect. We've reconnected her to her therapist, they are meeting tomorrow. And her OB is also watching her."

Mr. Kim continued, "I know the boys miss her. She'll see them sometimes to feed them, but even that is inconsistent. All three of them seem to be struggling."

"And I wasn't here." Taehyung pointed out the obvious, his guilt growing.

"Taehyung-ah. I know you love them and you are a good man. But you aren't perfect. You are here now. Let's just focus on that ok?"

Mr. Kim gave Taehyung a gentle head nod, looking at the baby in his arms. "I think the boys might appreciate some skin to skin contact with you, especially because Clara hasn't always felt up to nursing them. Make sure you are spending your time here filling up all of their tanks with as much love as you can."

With a nod, Taehyung headed back down the hallway to Clara's room, the baby still in his arms. "Hey little cub. Let's see how your mama is doing. I think we both need to be on our best behavior right now, ok?"

Cracking the door open, Taehyung slipped into the room seeing Clara had hardly moved. "Clara, I'm here with our little cub. Do you think we could snuggle with you?"

Clara didn't respond so Taehyung decided to take matters into his own hands. After carefully setting down the baby he quickly took off his shirt, and then began to strip the little boy down to just his diaper. He then got Clara sitting up, keeping a watchful eye on their son in the meantime, and asked if he could remove her shirt too. She still didn't really respond so he gently pulled the material over her head.

Taehyung situated himself leaning against the headboard and then pulled his wife to sit between his legs, her back pressed against the skin of his chest. Carefully Taehyung picked up the baby. "My love, can I hold our son so he can nurse?"

Clara lightly nodded yes, so he gently guided the baby to her breast, all of them wrapped up in the warmth of the skin of each other. Taehyung still couldn't get over the wonder of watching his son suckle, and he started to question why he ever could have thought even for a minute that it would be better if they were apart.

As Taehyung held the two, he saw the baby begin to squirm as teadrops splashed his face. "Clara, sweetheart, I'm here. I know it has been hard, but we are going to get you better ok? I love you and the boys so much, I'm going to do whatever it takes to fix this."

"But you are leaving".

Yes, this was a huge cloud hanging over them. They really only had a few more weeks until Taehyung's departure. And there was no scenario where he could skip their tour. At that point if he missed the tour he may as well just leave the band. "I know, but I'm going to figure something out. I promise."

"Ok" was all Clara could whisper in exchange, but he still felt her shaking in sorrow.

Eventually the little cub fell asleep, belly full and perfectly comfortable in his parents arms. Taehyung got up to redress him and put him in his crib, coming back with the twin. He restarted the process with his little tiger, undressing him and after settling behind Clara, holding the baby close to her so he could find his nutrition. He quickly latched on, grunting with satisfaction at the comfort and warm meal.

While he ate Taehyung gently swayed, rocking all three of them while Clara seemed to settle down from her tears, becoming less stiff as she melted into him. It wasn't long until both the baby and Clara had drifted off to sleep. Carefully repositioning Clara, he carried the baby down the hall to tuck him in with his brother. As he was leaving the room Mrs. Kim stopped him in the hallway. "I'm glad you are here Taehyung-ah. We can get up with the babies during the night. Please focus on Clara right now. She really needs you."

When Taehyung returned to the room Clara was awake, watching for him. "Sweetheart, let me help you shower, ok? I think you will feel better."

During their time under the shower head Taehyung carefully caressed every part of her body with his soapy hands, stopping periodically to just hold her close and peck her forehead. He felt Clara continue to become more relaxed in his grip, once again trusting him to take care of her, to take care of the whole family. And Taehyung was sure of one thing. This time he was going to get it right.