Healing (KTH, featuring KNJ)

Chapter 3

After Namsoo's passing it didn't take long for Clara to decide to stay in Seoul. Her job was here and she had grown closer to my Namsoo's parents and family. Honestly the idea of relocating felt incredibly burdensome and more than she could possibly manage at the moment. She needed some time to grieve and being in Korea made her feel closer to her lost love.

In the weeks after Namsoo's death she found herself spending a lot of time with Namjoon. Being with him was a comfort that reminded her of Namsoo . And for Namjoon's part, he felt he needed to hear more stories of his brother in more recent years. They hadn't had the opportunity to be nearly as close over the last few years while BTS was taking off and Namsoo was busy with school in the US. Namjoon wanted to make up for the time lost with his brother so he was constantly asking for new stories and descriptions of even the smallest details of Namsoo's life.

After the funeral Clara decided staying in Ilsan with Namsoo's parents for a bit might be the best option. She knew that she was not quite ready to return to the apartment alone. Namjoon was also spending as much time at his parents as he could while still working around BTS's schedule. One night at dinner, only a few weeks after saying goodbye to Namsoo, his father cleared his throat, looked at Clara gently, and said there was something they wanted to say. Her facial expression revealed her nervousness but Namjoon's quick smile and a nod of his head offered reassurance that it would be ok.

"We know that Namsoo is gone now, but we want you to know that we still think of you as our daughter. We will support anything you want to do, but please know that we will always care for you. We are hoping that you consider staying in Korea. We've already lost Namsoo.  It would be hard to lose you too."

There was a long pause while sniffles could be heard around the table. Then Namjoon added his own thoughts.

"I also hope that you stay in Korea. It brings me comfort to have you nearby and to be able to keep watch over you. When we were younger my brother and I made a promise that we would care for each other's families if the other was ever hurt or unable. Please allow me to keep that promise and take care of you in his absence. I know that is what he would want, and it is what I want too."

Clara stared at him with tears starting to fall from her eyes, eventually nodding yes. Initially she simply didn't have the energy to consider leaving Korea.  But now she knew, this was her family. She needed to be here, both for them but also for her own recovery. She would stay in Korea and hopefully make Namsoo proud by developing a new life, filled with a different type of experience and eventually, maybe someday, happiness.

After spending a few more weeks in Ilsan Clara knew it was time to move back to the apartment in Seoul. She could work remotely from anywhere but she felt she needed to give Namsoo's parents some space. Even with her return to Seoul, she continued to see them often. Namjoon made a point of visiting his parents at least weekly, often twice a week, and scheduled his visits so they could ride together. The two fell into a pattern of gentle conversation, regularly including Namjoon sharing advice with Clara about Korean customs and ways of living. Clara knew she had so, so much to learn since her fiance was no longer able to act as guide. Namjoon provided that instead.  He was patient and thorough in ensuring that she was acclimating well in Namsoo's absence. She'd ask him questions and share about her experiences and he'd ask what events were upcoming so he could give a gentle steer to set her up for success. There time traveling back and forth between Seoul and Ilsan was spent largely focused on helping her settle in and feel comfortable in this new country. While it was still a difficult adjustment, she could not have been more grateful for the careful guidance Namjoon thoughtfully provided.

Eventually, as the weeks turned into a few month, visits to the parents became a bit less frequent. Even so, Namjoon assured Clara that he still hoped to see her just as often.  With both in Seoul perhaps she'd be willing to come to him more often since he was becoming increasingly busy with BTS commitments. Adapting her schedule was no real hardship and Clara found herself stopping by the Big Hit offices at least once a week to share a coffee or a meal. Every now and again they would join some of his bandmates, but Clara gathered that for the most part they were all busy with many of their own commitments. None the less, they were friendly and kind, regularly asking if she was healthy and eating well. She always assured them with a smile and thanked them for their concern.

Between previous binge watching of BTS videos and seeing them around the Big Hit building, Clara was glad that she at least knew everyone's names and the basic information that was available to all of their fans. She'd been following the band less as time went on. While their music still resonated, watching the rest of their content felt like an intrusion on her relationship with Namjoon. She didn't view him as a celebrity and didn't always feel like the way he was portrayed reflected the complicated and nuanced individual she knew.

But it would only be a few more weeks before she would start to know all of them much better.