MATTHEW'S POV:
"honestly nick i could care fucking less."
"maybe yell at me less and pay attention to the road idiot."
"maybe stop being"-
"STOP." I break.
they've been going at it for weeks, and quite frankly i'm sick and tired of my brother's arguing. Even if this fight is about something a little more serious than who stole who's shirt.
"you expect me not to be upset that my brother fucked my girlfriend?" chris says through gritted teeth. I wince at his words. These are my brothers, hearing them say and/or do bad shit to each other really got under my skin. this was probably the worst incident we've ever had among the three of us. I still couldn't believe it was actually true, but nick never denied it. Actually, he's the one that told Chris, out of guilt. That was weeks ago, and here we are.
I wish i could just magically make them both forget about what happened, seeing them fight is really hard for me.
"how many times do i have to say i'm sorry. Chris, i'm sorry." Nick groans throwing his head back. "oh you're sorry? i fuckin' bet." chris scoffs as we pull into our driveway. We had just gotten In N' Out, as a way to attempt to make the peace, which was totally nick and i's idea by the way.. but as you can see, that didn't work. I grab the bags of food and hop out of the car first, not waiting for either of my brothers as I head inside.
'mEow'
"hey molly!" i exclaim, patting nick's cat on the head as I enter the house. I grab my burger before placing the two In N' Out bags down on the kitchen table where my Mom was sitting with her glasses, reading her book of the week. she reads one book a week. I wish i had the attention span for that.
"so," she sympathetically sighs as she sets down her book and removes her glasses "how'd it go?" she asks. ok i lied earlier she may have come up with the In N' Out idea with Nick & I.
"you tell me" i joke, and just as i do both boys come barreling through the door.
"NO- FUCK YOU." i hear Chris's booming voice , and turn around to see what's going on.
"CHRIS I SWEAR TO GOD, PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON ME ONE MORE TIME" Nick threatens as Chris pushes him backwards. "OR WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME?" Chris laughs maniacally.
"fuck you." nick spits.
"honestly nick," chris says, taking a deep breath in. "you could fucking die right now, and i could care less." he scoffs as he storms to his room. Nick's eyes go wide and his jaw drops, along with mine and our Moms. we're all speechless until our Mom breaks the silence "Now nicky i'm sure he"- our mom begins,
"no." nick interrupts. "it's okay." he adds before quietly going to his room.
"I should..." i trail off, gesturing towards the direction of Nick's room, getting a nod from our Mom before going to check on him.
"hey, it's matt." I knock gently "come in."
I open the door and close it quickly behind me. Nick's sitting on his bed with his laptop out, seeming more focused than anything else.
"hey are you okay?" I ask, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. He looks up from his laptop and smiles softly before closing it and putting it next to him. "yeah, i'm good." he sighs "i'm okay." he adds. "are you sure?" i ask, something in his voice is off & i don't like it.
"i'll be okay." Nick rephrases with a smile. "you know, if you ever want to talk about what happened, or just talk about anything really, i'm here for you.." I say quietly, not wanting chris to hear us in the other room over and think i'm "choosing sides." (author's note: see what i did there haha)
"i know matt. thank you. seriously." Nick manages an actual smile as he gets up from his spot on his bed, and walks over to me, arms wide. "what's this now?" I chuckle as i stand. "oh cmon, just hug me, stupid." Nick let's out a laugh. a laugh. it always makes me feel good to make nick feel better. I'm always the one picking up the pieces but honestly i don't mind, it's what you do for family.
So that's what we do. we hug. and hug. and hug. "uhh okay bro, i love you and all but this is an extremely long hug bud." I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, and he let's go. "i just love you bro. always. remember that." nick's voice cracks as he speaks, the room was dimly lit so i couldn't tell before but was he? "holy shit nick, are you crying?" I frown. "what's wrong?" i ask quickly as he wipes his eyes. "nothing!" he smiles. "i'm okay!"
I study his face for a moment, trying to pick up any signs he was lying, and other than the 'almost tears', he seemed to be telling the truth. *how was i supposed to know?*
"okay man, well, i love you. i'm here for you. i got you. forever." I smile and nod, and Nick pulls me in for one more hug. I could tell he needed this. And I was glad to be an outlet for him. For both of my brothers truly. it was a good feeling.
"forever, brother." Nick says before I slip out of his room and head to my own where I strip to my boxers and fall asleep, faster than I ever have before. Tonight was going to be a great nights sleep because I was happy.
• • •
her scream. a heart wrenching, deafening scream, woke me from my sleep.
I shot up from my bed, there it is again.
my eyes go wide "Mom." I say to myself in panic, I rush out of my door and towards the sound of my Mom. I crash into Chris in the hallway who must've also been woken by her screaming. "what's going on???" He asks, fear evident on his face. "Dude i don't know, let's go" I say as we burst into Nick's bedroom. Nick's bedroom...
Nick!?
"NO!" our mom screams, hovered over a bloody nick on the carpeted floor.
I froze.
everything from the past 24 hours replaying in my head. it's too much. Nick is gone. He's gone. everything went black.
• • •
CHRISTOPHER'S POV:
"He's Gone."
Matt broke down beside me.
I went numb.
My brother was gone, and the last thing we did was fight. the last thing i told him wasn't 'i love you'. it was kill yourself. how am I supposed to live knowing I might've drove my own brother to suicide?
"Mama, the laptop." Matt points out the laptop on Nick's bed. already opened and logged in.
as he grabs it, his face drops. I walk over to see what he's staring at. A note. a suicide note.
• • •
PRESENT DAY
'to this day, i hold myself accountable'
i write down in my journal. it's required, by Dr. C. But i won't lie, i use it every day. it helps that i can just write down all my feelings in one place. Nick's death changed my entire life, and perspective on life. I still blame myself, although i've heard "it's not your fault" too many times to count since 'the accident'. which is what Matt and i refer to it as, seeing as though there's enough rumors going around school about nick's death being caused by a car accident. dark, i know. but we cope the way we cope. I pick back up my pencil and finish my entry for the day.
'Oh! I almost forgot. I met this girl, Stelly. although, she'd be pissed i called her that, but whatever. anyway, she seems cool, group was more fun with her. i hope we have group together more :) yeah, that would be good.'
— Christopher Sturniolo / entry 241
• • •
author's note:
AHHH i love chris in this! also we love matt! this is an extra long chapter with a bunch of important info! i hope whoever reads this enjoys it! i'm having so much fun writing it :,)
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Fanfiction"choose." she says, barely above a whisper. tears brimming at the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall. "you know it's not that simple" he replies carefully, a pained expression on his face. his eyes say everything that he isn't. she knows he...
