𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫, 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫 | 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

59. waste not, want not.

F I F T Y - N I N E
waste not, want not.

We didn't really talk all that much last night. JJ and I watched TV until I struggled to keep my eyes open, then I said I was going to bed, and he followed.

Lying down to sleep was weird; we didn't lie on the very edges like we had earlier, but we were on separate sides of the king-sized bed. I just stared up at the ceiling, watching the rickety fan spin round and round, creaking a little concerningly. The wind from outside blew inside from where I opened the window, and the cool breeze nipped at my skin.

It felt painfully reminiscent of when I first asked JJ if he liked me, when he asked if I was being serious, and I wanted the ground to swallow me up whole and spit out my bones. But then he said he did. And life felt a little better.

I wondered if I was going to wake up to the same thing I woke up to when I had a nap, a nap that was meant to be separate from his, but didn't end up being.

I'll give you one guess as to how I woke up. You're going to get it wrong.

JJ was gone.

I woke up, sat up, and he wasn't there.

Now I'm walking over to the Chateau, chewing on an apple, debating my existence and the ethical conundrums of suicide.

Maybe he changed his mind about wanting to fix things. I wouldn't blame him; it's not going to happen overnight. Maybe he realised that when he woke up, and decided it wasn't worth it. Maybe he went over to Kie's, snuck through the window and continued what they started while I was missing.

I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that I was missing, and Kie thought it was an appropriate time to make a move on my boyfriend.

As the Chateau comes into view, I turn around and walk away, deciding I'll take the scenic route. I don't want to talk to anyone just yet. Walking for thirty seconds, I meet up with Sarah. So much for that plan.

"Frankie, hey!" She smiles. She's not completely oblivious to everything, but she's pretty close. "How's Nelly?"

I want to tell her, I want her opinion. But I just can't.

Nelly was incredible, she always is. But Sarah is like my sister, I want her to know.

Is it fucked up if I tell her?

Sarah gets close to me, "You okay? You look like you're on another planet."

"I'm on drugs." The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them, she looks surprised. "I'm not, I don't know why I said that. I just– there's a lot going on, as you know," I laugh.

"Is it JJ?" She asks.

I take a bite of the core of my apple. Waste not, want not and all that. "And Kiara." My mouth once again works before my brain can reason with it.

Nelly said to tell Sarah. She said that if she were Sarah, she'd want to know. Actually, she said she'd be pissed if it was kept from her. That Kie and JJ were just going to have to deal with the repercussions of their actions. It's not my shame, it's theirs. 

She looks confused. "What did Kie do?"

Another laugh bubbles out of me. I really can't reason with my body. "It's actually crazy. She kissed JJ, not only that. It happened while I was missing. Crazy, right?"

"She what?"

"Kissed JJ, JJ freaked out, lied about it, shouted at me, then I kinda pulled the truth out of Kiara, then confronted JJ with that information, he cracked and explained, then when we got back he was kinda homeless so I told him he could stay on my place, and then I wake up this morning and he's gone. Now I'm kinda driving myself crazy wondering if he went to Kie's house," I ramble, then when I'm done, I pull the stem from the top of the core and put the last bit of it in my mouth. I don't eat the stem, that'd be crazy.