𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫, 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫 | 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

55. i'm sorry in advance.

F I F T Y - F I V E
i'm sorry in advance.

Wilful ignorance.

It's something that annoys me to no end, and there is a distinct difference between naivety and wilful ignorance. People who are naive tend not to want to be naive, they often seek out people who will happily show them exactly what they're missing out on. Willfully ignorant people stick their heads in the sand and scream over anyone trying to educate them.

There are things in life you do not want to know, but a lot of those hard truths you need.

With Rafe, I was willfully ignorant. And, I think I'm being wilfully ignorant with JJ, too.

"What did they want anyway? They didn't hurt you, did they?" JJ questions, looking up at me as he does shit with the ropes. I should probably pay attention, just in case I have to boat-jack again.

"Nah," I laugh, "I'm fabulous. But you're not gonna guess what Singh wanted from me." I smile. Brushing over the question of I'm okay, I don't really want to put a damper on the mood just yet. I'm not even slightly okay, but I am alive. I lean forward on the rail that goes around the boat. "Denmark's Diary."

JJ looks surprised, about as confused as I was at the beginning. "Why?" He asks.

"Fuck if I know. He claimed it leads to a treasure that's a lot bigger than the Merchant."

He climbs into the boat. "You're saying there's a bigger treasure?"

"Apparently," I smile.

JJ walks over to me, smelling like safety. "Then sign me up," he winks.

Everyone begins getting the boat ready to leave, JJ disappears somewhere, but John B is on the verge of a breakdown. I watch as Sarah and John B talk, then I see her hand him a phone, and he begins getting off the boat.

I really need to get off this island, there are two rich men probably searching high and low for me.

"Hey! John B! What are you doing?" Pope shouts, asking what I'm thinking. I want to get off this fucking island, I stole a boat from a mad man and I'm running away from another one, I don't want to faff around.

"I'll be right back!" He shouts over his shoulder as he runs away. Then he shouts a final I love you, to Sarah.

What on fucking Earth is more important than going home?

I'm beginning to come back down to Earth. Adrenaline is leaving me. The reunion was great, one of the best moments I've had in a really long time, but that's not a fix.

We all sit around and wait for John B, who, in fact, was not right back. I don't know and don't care what he's looking for, it's not going to be a good enough excuse for me.

I sit down, leaned against the railing, across the boat from JJ.

We aren't really any different than we were on the island. We haven't actually had a real conversation, one that addresses anything serious, and there are a lot of serious things we need to talk about. I'm trying to think about the smartest way to talk things through, I too often just rush into conversations and fuck it all up.

Last time we didn't talk, we had a blow-up fight, I got Fireball drunk and ended up making out with a girl.

At least I got a friend out of it. Fuck, I miss Nelly. She's going to kill me, though.

If she doesn't kill me, there's no way I'm keeping this from her any longer. John B brought Sarah into this, JJ brought me into this, and Cleo's also joined. Why can't I bring someone into the know?