the summer camp of 2012

17. dark night [m]

i laid there in the dark listening to the ocean sounds and the wind rustles. i felt tired, but i couldn't bring myself to sleep. i took out my burner phone i've been hiding the entire time and texted my dad. 

hey dad, how's it going?

Hey Mila, everything's fine. 

how's mom?

She's okay right now. Like usual. Things haven't changed much since you've left. 

ah

we didn't talk like this normally. but ever since mom got sick, we've both been trying to talk more like this. 

tell mom i love her

Of course. We love you Mila. 

love you too dad

Isn't it late already? 

yeah, i should probably sleep, night dad

晚安 寶貝。

"goodnight, love" it was something i haven't heard him say in so long. even though we hated to admit it, we both need each other. 

i hid my burner phone again and tossed my body to the other side. i forced my eyelids shut, but they would just bounce open again. i checked the time: 11:47pm. my eyes had already adjusted to the dark at this point, and i was getting annoyed. 

i continued to lay there in the dark, when i heard the noise of blankets shuffling in the corner. it was coming from lucas. i ignored it, but it didn't stop after a minute. now i was even more annoyed, so i had decided to tell him to stop. 

i went up to his couch to pry his blankets open, but as i walked closer, i could hear sniffing noises. 

was he... crying?

he slowly crept up to him. under the moonlight, his tears glistened. his brows furrowed and he had trouble breathing. i wasn't sure what was going on, but i felt a tug in my heart. 

i gently tapped on his shoulder. his eyes snapped open and his body shot up. he looked around the room for a second before he saw me. he immediately backed up from me further into the corner and started hyperventilating. "hey, it's me, mila." i said as i watched his every move. "you're okay. you're okay." i told him, not quite knowing what to say. 

i turned on the lights and he finally realised where he was and who i was. he let out a sigh of relief as i slowly sat down on the edge of the couch, "you okay?" he stared at me with his tear-filled eyes as he tried to wipe his tears away and shook his head, "god this is so embarrassing." his words slurred as he tried to hold his cry in. 

he was trying to calm down, so i decided to leave him for a bit. "i'll go get you some water." i hurried back up to our room with a glass of water. as i passed kayley's and francis' room, i had a thought of waking them up. i didn't quite know what to do, i've never comforted someone like this before. but i didn't. 

i handed him his water. "thanks." he managed to say with a shaky voice. he reached his hand out, but it was trembling to the point he couldn't hold the cup without spilling. 

"here." i held the cup close to his mouth. he leaned forward as i tilted the cup carefully so it wouldn't spill. i set the cup down on his bedside table, and we just sat there in silence for a good five minutes. he curled himself into a corner while i sat on the edge of the couch. i had a million questions racing through my brain: what was that? was his entire "tough boy" persona just an act? why was he crying? he WAS acting weird the entire day..

i didn't want to force him to tell me or anything, so i just kind of sat there in hopes of him telling me. i glanced up at the clock: 12:59am. not as late as i thought, but i was getting tired. i let out a small yawn and he noticed. "i'm sorry for waking you up." he said as he stood up from the bed. i immediately stopped him. "it's fine. do you want me to turn off the lights?" he sat back down and nodded as i walked to turn off the lights. 

i sat on the ground next to his couch while he slowly laid under the covers. "what are you-" "i'll just stay here until you fall asleep." i said. i could feel my cheeks burning when i said that. he didn't say anything back other than giving me a slight nod. 

with my back against the foot of the couch, i stared into space. well, there wasn't much to look at since it was pitch black. time went by like a blur with my racing heart beat, and i could hear his breathing slowing as i fight to keep my eyelids open.