ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟ ᴘᴏᴇᴛʀʏ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ :)

ꜱᴄʀᴇᴀᴍꜱ.

TW: Teeny weeny graphic + mentions of suicide and self harm

The screams that I trap right outside my bedroom door always seem to find a way to crawl their way in.
Perhaps my movements are too sluggish and sloppy, as the tiredness that weighs on my soul stops me from protecting myself like I used to?
Or perhaps I've started to give up and listen to the loud voices in the corridor,
Telling me that they're disappointed,
Telling me that I hold no worth and that I have no significance whatsoever,
And that I'd be much better off dead?

Although indirect, I can always tell what they're thinking:
It's all so loud my ears begin to bleed,
And the hesitation I once had to smash my head against the wall is no longer there,
Leaving my head scarred and smothered in the warm , red and sacred liquid,
Which comforts me as I lay on the floor,
As I start to regret what I have done.

The screams that once held me close are the same ones that I now lock outside my bedroom door.
The security and reassurance they have lent me is now lost-forgotten.
I begin to realize that I never mattered,
That everything was going to be futile from the very beginning, and that makes me feel stupidly silly.
Why did I even try?

Blood covering my hands, wrist and thighs,
The desperation for a new beginning crawls within me,
Reminding me of what I once tried to escape from,
And that it is now part of me,
Flowing within me-
Within me and my slit veins.

Goodbye, reminder.
Hopefully you won't cause anyone else's suicide again.

(it doesnt always have to make sense hahahahahahahahuwasdcwashfdcwfahsidcwsfhcisa)

(+ im slowly getting out of writer's block again, bear with me please <3)

(++ my only inspiration is my silly lil emo playlist on spotify LMAO)

(+++ sorry for the mistake, it's fixed now..)