ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟ ᴘᴏᴇᴛʀʏ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ :)

ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢꜱ.

Feelings, feelings, feelings.
They're so simple but so complex at the same time.

Every time I attempt to understand my own emotions,
I realise that such understanding is too incoherent for me to acknowledge;
Perhaps I am blinded and misguided by fear,
(Being so youthfully naïve as I am)
Or perhaps I am too desperate to search for the unknown,
That I fail to realise that the pathway is always going to be obscured by fog and lightning?

I once wished to be innocent and carefree,
And not to be a teenager troubled by the consequences of my constant childishness-
A burden that I carry as a result of an unfulfilled childhood.

I once wished to be an artist of my own perfect fate,
The creator of my own blessings and dreams,
And not the creator of my own troubles and misunderstandings,
Only because the one essential thing I need in order to survive is the same that I can never seem to understand:
Myself.

Feelings, feelings, feelings.
The one thing I cannot seem to love, but hate.
Even the thought of expressing myself makes me sick sometimes,
Despite it only being a human instinct.

Is that the true curse of mankind?
To suffer from a conscious that will only eat you alive?
To suffer from your own thoughts until there's nothing left but numbness that has settled from your mind to the deepest crevices of your chest, ribs, and heart?

But it's all about the feelings,
The subconscious reaction to your surroundings.

"You need to learn how to feel until it's too late."

(not proofread very well because I'm tired but I'm hoping it's articulate enough to not seem like a load of nonsense I put together !!)