ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟ ᴘᴏᴇᴛʀʏ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ :)

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For the sake of formalities, I will not be vulgar, but sometimes I wonder if I've lost my mind.
What happened to 'hello', 'how are you?' because now every spare minute I have, I consider the possibilities of this ever working out.
Do you hate me, and was all of this just a joke?

Please tell me it was all just for amusement, and that my mind does not need to linger on this any longer.
I cannot look at you, because you don't look at me,
And each awkward reminder of our lack of face-to-face interactions makes me cringe as if lemon on the tip of my tongue.

Wasting away, slowly, like every inch of me is being torn apart by subtle movements of your hands,
The same once I cannot bring myself to even glance at.

Did you hear my conversations where I spoke about you?
I sound pathetic, as if this was a classic case of a crush, even though that is far from the truth;
Previously, I had gained my own fair share of confusion,
But why must you be the one to bring me to tears?

They drip onto the floor, the cold boards plastered in my bedroom accumulating them, almost as if to mock me.
Was it ever worth it, talking to me like that?

You said you'd save me from a football, said you'd catch it if it ever threatened to hit me,
But would you ever save me if I was the one falling, the one falling for the void of inner conflict?

I vented to you, you said you didn't mind,
Yet I still have the feeling of the frustration bubbling within me.

I'm so tired.

And yet I cannot dream, sleep, hope, all in the fear of waking up at some point.

Thigh bouncing, heel gently patting the floor with each rigit and incessant movement, a repetition of a chorus I have heard too many times before. 
Must this happen again, until my leg is numb, unable to contract like it is meant to?

Please just tell me it's a joke,
That you're still with your girlfriend,
And I will stop making excuses to talk to you.
I will keep my distance, stop sending you weird stickers on Whatsapp, and stop ranting about my favourite game to you.

Maybe, in the end, I have lost my mind.
I'm scared to love. Don't let me start loving you, please.

(A/N: No one reads this anyway, but it has been almost two months since the last piece of writing, so I've decided to conjure something for the sake of my own sanity. I can't really talk about this so on Wattpad it is.)