Between Two Eternities || Travis Hamonic

(36) The Writing on the Wall

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having to neither weigh thoughts nor measure words. But pouring them all right out, just as they are."

-Dinah Maria Mulock

Weeks passed - seven actually. So maybe I should start saying months have passed. I had not attended any games because I knew Matt would be there (Travis had given him season tickets long ago), and I couldn't face him in that setting.

He and Molly think I've been living across town in Bobby's rented place. Little did they know that Bobby and I are finished and he returned to California. I didn't tell them because I didn't want them to be any distraction. It sounds incredibly selfish, I know. It was easier to let them believe I was with Bobby, because it's expected.

Explaining the whole thing with Travis would entail a lot of questions. Hence why the times I go back to Molly's for a visit are a little bit awkward, at least for me they are.

Travis said he would go along with whatever I wanted. However, I know he finds it weird how he sees Matt at every game, and comes homes to me. I'll tell my brother soon enough.

I wake up with Travis everyday. He gets up at seven and always tries to be quiet, but he never is. "Sorry I woke you up," he says (every single morning). I always tell him I would wake up anyway, because naturally I'm an early riser. But truthfully, I was never an early riser before I met Travis.

We drink coffee together before he leaves. Most days he doesn't leave until nine or ten - like today. It gives us time to do whatever we want.

Usually we talk because, even if he doesn't know it (but I'm pretty sure he does), talking to him is my therapy. I don't need Jeremy anymore.
But like I said I'm pretty sure Travis knows that because why else would he talk about life early in the morning, and stay up late talking about death?

One morning, lying on the couch in his embrace, he said "I have something to tell you." I ran my fingers along the tendons in his hands and looked back at him.

"I knew that I loved you way before the day that I told you I love you," he confesses and smiles a little. "I was waiting to tell you, though, until I knew for sure."

"That was sensible of you," I say, smiling too. I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing my ear.

"But I was already sure. I was always sure. I just didn't want to scare you." I laughed a little.

"You should've known better," I said.

He nods and looks at me. "That was when I said screw it and just told you I loved you. Best decision I ever made."

He's taught me a lot about myself. I can function as a normal human being nowadays.

We don't just stay in the apartment all day. I wasn't very up to speed at all with social life in New York, and Travis thought it would do me good to get out around people. He didn't want me to fall into seclusion like I had before I met him.

It's not all bars and clubs. As a matter of fact, we rarely went to them. It was normal couple stuff, like movies and restaurants. We try a different restaurant every week, and see movies that are surrounded by hype.

I've gotten so used to social activity that even when Travis is away, I get out of bed and shower everyday. I do my hair and makeup and walk around the city, exploring. I've lived in New York City all my life and am just now appreciating it's beauty.