Between Two Eternities || Travis Hamonic

(37) Right Hand on a Cold One Confession

It's been a whole week since I walked out on Travis. He's been texting and calling non-stop, but I don't answer. I know that he's been looking for me- at Molly's house, at Anders and Grace's place, but he hasn't shown up here yet.

I'm at Avery's sorority house, you know the girl who is in a few of my classes. When I ran out of Exo Astorio Buildings, I made a beeline to the park, hoping I could clear my mind. Lucky for me, Avery was there and could tell something was wrong by the way I was hysterical in tears.

She took me back to the house that she stays in with twenty other girls. When we walked in the front door, everyone turned and stared. They were probably wondering what Avery was doing bringing in a mess like me. She quickly ushered me into her bedroom on the second floor.

And for the past few days, I haven't left the bed. I'm sure the sheets are tear stained by now. Avery has been as helpful as she can, but I still feel like a part of my life is missing.

I'm sure that Travis has gotten everyone worked up, because I've even been receiving calls and text messages from Grace, Anders, a few other girls from the team, and Melissa (Travis' sister who I haven't met in person yet, but have gotten close with over texting and FaceTime and such).

The decline button on my phone is wearing away from all the overuse, but I can't help it. I cannot bring myself to speak to anyone.

It's Friday now. About nine am. Avery just left for class, but I didn't. I'm staying put.

I thought that I could change for Travis, but the truth is I'll never be good enough for him. He shouldn't have to constantly worry about my mental health, or have to make sure I have enough anti-depression meds. He had such a beautiful life before I fell into it. It'd be better for him if I just let him get back to the way he was.

My phone begins to ring- loudly. I thought I turned the ringer off, but a Maroon 5 song blares loud and clear. I fish for the cell phone and find it under the pillow my head rested on. Guess who.

Fresh tears arrive at my eyes when I see the caller ID for the hundredth time this week. And something makes me answer this time, the hundred and first time.

"Arden? Is this really you?"

Oh my God, Travis.

"Yes," I croak out. "It is."

There's a brief moment of silence and then he sounds joyful. "Oh my God. Are you okay? Where are you? I'm so sorry, I love you just please come back home-"

"I'm not coming back, Travis," I interrupt.

Silence again.

"What? Why not?" He asks frantically. I can hear rustling on the other end of the line.

"I meant what I said. You shouldn't be with someone who you have to babysit. You deserve so much more than me, ya know?"

"No Arden, I don't know. Where are you? I'll come right now." His voice troubles me, because he wants to sound like he won't take no for an answer but sounds like he knows that's the answer he's going to get.

I don't say anything for a second. "Arden where are you?" He asks again, urgently.

I sigh and say, "I think that you're life shouldn't be stained with someone like me. You'll be great without me."

"I think that you're wrong. You are my life. You can't just throw everything away! What about you? You don't sound like yourself right now," he observes, voice becoming less and less hopeful.

"I am me right now. Before I met you, this is how I was." He doesn't understand that I'm not always going to be this happy. Sure I haven't been as messed up as I was pre-Travis. But those types of days are inevitable.

"I fell in love with you, Arden. I fell in love with you when I saw you scared and vulnerable, and I'm in love with you as you are now, all strong and happy. Nothing is going to change that," he assures.

"I hear you," I cry. "But I don't think," I wipe a few tears from my cheeks and breathe through sobs. "I don't think I can let someone love me when they deserve better."

"Why do you keep saying that?" He says in desperation. "Ya know I tell people the same thing but about you! I tell everyone I know that I can't believe I'm with you, that you're too good for me, that having you in my life is a blessing. What makes you think it's the other way around?" he questions.

"Because you're perfect, Travis! You love what you do, you love your family, you love God, you love people you just met and people you've known your whole life. You're just so optimistic and it makes me want to be like you but I never will be. I'm always going to be pulling you down and I don't want to do that to you anymore," I say in exasperation.

"Why would you even say that you're pulling me down? That doesn't make any sense because I love you more than anything else in this world. You make me want to be better, and I don't want to lose you, not after I just got you."

"I'm so sorry." I can't even bear to say his name.

"Arden this is ridiculous... Where the hell are you? I need to see you."

"I'm not telling you! Just forget about me!" I hang up the phone and put it back in its place under the pillow.

It wasn't merely two hours later that Avery came home with a stack of assignments for me, and a painful look on her face. She dropped her stuff by her bedroom door and didn't say one word as she started rummaging through her closet.

"What's wrong?" I ask. Everyday for the past week, she's tried to get me over my own issues and start living like a normal college senior. Today, she's silent.

She turns around and sits on the bed next to me. "Travis showed up to campus. He was outside our Embryology class. And afterwards he went to talk to the professor. I heard him ask about you, ask if you were in class..."

She trails off, confused at the whole situation. As far as she knows, Travis and I got in a fight and he knows that I'm staying with her.

"How did you know it was him?" I ask, ashamed of the truth. They had never met before, both just hearing stories of the other from me.

"I think I'd know what a New York Islander looks like, Arden." She wills me to reply but I don't look up from my lap. "What's really going on with you two?"

I wipe a tear from my eye. "He doesn't know where I am and I haven't been answering his calls, until this morning." I'm sobbing by this point, but Avery seems more sympathetic to Travis than to me at this point.

"That's messed up. From what you've told me, he loves you. He's obviously worried sick. Why are you doing this to him?"

I shrug, no response could ever explain this to her. She stands up and opens her bedroom door. "You know I would never kick you out of my room, but go back home. Look at what it's doing to yourself and to him. I don't know what this fight was about, but if I were you I'd fix it." She exits and closes the door behind her, leaving me alone once again.

I fish for my phone again and click on one of the most recent contacts out in my phone. "Arden?"

"It's me. Melissa, I don't know what to do."