Meliodas's thoughts only grew more contradictory the more time went by as his once month of time among the humans turned into four
Rou's ideology stuck with the demon as the question it left behind got louder every day that he could give it no answer.
Month Two:
What do I want?
I want to help repair the damage the demons have done to the humans for the sake of the war. So many innocent humans have lost family from what we've done! And if I'm to fix it, I need to act! But I also want to be useful to the demons. They are working so hard and making them lose their strength by hindering their ability to feed could cost them the war! It would go against everything I've been taught; it would disgrace my brothers. How could I do that when they've done so much for me? I mean, they RAISED me! In order to repay that debt, I need to play my part among the demons. I don't have to steal souls personally, but I also can't stop the others from doing so. I can't behave so recklessly, so... so selfishly!
Month Three:
What do I want?
It doesn't matter! I have a duty to my brothers! They've put in so much time, love, care, and trust in me! How could I betray them like that? How could I disrespect all that they've done for me by demanding that we give up our biggest source of fuel. It's not reasonable! It's not my place to give such a demand!
Month Four:
What do I want?
Ugh, fine! Yes, I want to help the humans, but I also want to play my part! Demons are worth their contribution, what will I be contributing by causing conflict?
But you want to be worth more, don't you? You want to be worth something to your brothers. Worth something beyond your achievements.
Stop it! Why won't these thoughts go away?
You want to be worth more than a demon's label. You want to be more. You want more!
No! Being what they need is enough!
No, that isn't what you want. You don't want to be a necessity.
What are you talking about? Of course, I do! I want to be helpful! I want to be useful!
No... You know deep down that you want more. You've always known, you've always had that desire, but you pushed it away. You pushed me away. You killed me to be what THEY wanted.
What even ARE you!? These thoughts aren't my own!
Yes, they are, Meliodas. These thoughts are you and you are them. I and you used to be one and the same. And I can't be ignored anymore, I won't let you push me away. Not after you've seen the humans, not after you've seen the possibilities they've shown you. Not after they've shown you how you can make a change! I won't allow it! I won't let you push away compassion anymore. I'm not dying down again, because I know what you truly desire more than anything in this world. You don't want to be needed as a tool by your brothers, you want what you were reminded of by these humans you desperately want to protect. You want what you used to have...
Tears trickled down the blond's face as he filled in the rest himself. He couldn't deny it any longer.
"I want to be wanted by my brothers. I... I want to be a family again! Back before the war, back before duty and honor and war and death. I want then to care more about me than about what my achievements represent. But... we aren't like that anymore. Now everything is so complicated and confusing. I love my brothers so, so, much, but if I push against them on this... if I protect these humans... I don't know if they'll care more about why I'm doing it, or the disrespect of the action itself. I don't know if they'll love me anymore if I disgrace them. Because after all, we demons are valued based on what we contribute, if I no longer play my part... what will I be worth to them?"
YOU ARE READING
Turning Back The Clock
Hayran KurguMeliodas was a fearless leader, a strong fighter, and a person many people relied on. However unbeknownst to many, he used to be a very powerful commandment as well. And even more unknown, even to his closest allies, he was the youngest brother of t...
