The Boyz Anthology

When Did You Stop Loving Me? - Jacob Bae

The silence of your house barely registers in your mind. You stare absently at the glass of wine in front of you as you wait for Jacob to get home. Always, always waiting. 

It didn't bother you that he had to put in a lot of hours for his job or that he had to travel the world. What bothers you is that he's apparently lying about it. When you opened up your joint credit card statement and saw charges for bars and restaurants when he was supposedly at work, you began to accept your reality.

The two of you have been growing apart for months. You watched it happen and did nothing to stop it. Maybe you regret it now, but it's too late to change the past. All you have to do now is live with the consequences. 

The sound of the front door unlocking echoes throughout the quiet space. Three hours later than what he's scheduled. You know he's going to come in and lie, saying work ran over. Now that you know the truth, it just irritates you.

He quietly shuts the door and sets his stuff down. When he walks down the hall and rounds the corner, he spots you at the table and stops short. His eyes bounce between your devoid eyes, emotionless face, and the nearly full wineglass before he slowly nods. He knows as well as you do what's coming.

"I think we need to talk," you state.

He nods again and moves to sit opposite of you at the table. You watch his tongue dart out to wet his lips and you wonder what he's thinking. Is he nervous? Accepting? As empty as you've come to be?

"I'm not happy," he starts when you remain silent. Your eyes fall closed at the confirmation and he continues. "I know you're not either."

"Right," you respond, clearing your throat when it comes out weaker than you expect. 

"We've been together for so long… I thought we had just fallen into a rut, but I don't think that's the case anymore," he continues. All you can do is stare at him as he speaks into existence the very same feelings you're experiencing. "I think we've just grown apart."

Your eyes fall to the table. You've been feeling the exact same way, and yet for some reason, it still hurts to hear him say the words out loud. It hurts to realize that this relationship you've coveted for so long is ending, but it's time. Past time.

"I agree."

"You do?" He looks at you in surprise. He hasn't been around enough to realize you've been going through the same thing.

"Mhmm," you confirm before you bite your bottom lip. "I just have one question."

He patiently waits for you to ask the question that you know is only going to hurt you. Yet, you still need to know the answer for some stupid reason.

"When did you stop loving me?"

He jerks a little at your question and you can see the sadness creep into his eyes. He looks away from you and around the room like if he searches hard enough, he'll find an answer that'll hurt less. Eventually, his eyes find yours again.

"I'll always love you. You've been a huge part of my life for a long time," he says in that sweet way he talks, "but I haven't felt that feeling of being in love in a while."

Your eyes glaze over and you slowly nod your head. Jacob looks like he wants to come over and comfort you, but you hope he doesn't… because if you're being honest with yourself… it's been a while since you fell out of love too.