The Boyz Anthology

Heaven and Back - Ji Changmin

TW: Addiction, Substance Abuse

The high comes down much quicker than you'd like. The feelings and sensations of existing in the real world start to tingle along your nerve endings. With a sigh, you lean your head back against the bathroom cupboard and close your eyes. While the cold tile underneath you starts to form, you feel wetness on your cheek.

Bringing your hand up to your face, you pull it away to discover that you're crying. Dropping your hand on the floor, you don't hear the front door opening or the subsequent calling of your name. You're too focused on the fact that you've self-sabotaged. Again.

No matter how much you say you don't want to keep doing this, you find that you can't stop. Chasing that amazing high is always too alluring. It's too desirable, and that's one of the many things that scares you.

A figure emerges in the bathroom doorway and you squint your eyes to try and make it out. When you do, you see Changmin looking down at you with sorrowful eyes. This is another thing you hate. You've let him down. Again.

"I want to stop," you mumble, not sure if it's coherent.

He gets down on the floor next to you and grabs your hand, holding it tightly. When his cracking voice penetrates your brain, the tears flow a little harder.

"Please… Please, get some help." His voice is begging, pleading. "I can't keep watching you do this to yourself. It hurts too much."

"Help me," you cry. The thought of hurting him is almost unbearable to you. He's the last person you want to hurt. "I don't know how to stop…"

He pulls you into his arms, tucking your head under his chin. "We'll get through this. I'll find someone that can help us."