The Boyz Anthology

When Was The Last Time You Meant It? - Lee Sangyeon

The two of you sit silently in the living room, watching whatever TV show one of you normally throws on. It's more for the background noise as you both numbly scroll through your phones. This is your routine. Day in and day out, it's always the same boring thing. Sometimes you can tell that he doesn't really care if you're home, and sometimes you get a little too excited when he goes to bed early and you have the living room to yourself.

This is normal for long relationships, isn't it? You get so used to the other one always being there that you enjoy the moments you get to yourself. Is that all this is, though? Are you actually both bored with each other, but you've been together for so long that you're afraid of breaking up? Afraid you've wasted precious years of your life on a failed relationship? Maybe you know this is your comfort zone and you're too afraid to step out of it and start a new life.

You glance up and see his eyes glued to his phone. The TV show continues on, but you have no idea what's happening nor do you care. Looking back down at your phone, you find more pleasure from the electronic device in your hand than the scene around you. You feel like you should be sad, but you just don't care.

Sangyeon's head moves and you look over at him to see him glance up at you. He then looks at the TV before looking down at the ground. When he stands up, you get that elated feeling because you know he's going to sleep. Then, you question what's wrong with you.

"I'm going to sleep. Love you."

"Love you too."

He takes a step before he pauses. It catches your attention because this is new. When he turns and looks back at you, you put down your phone and give him your attention.

"When was the last time you said you loved me and meant it?"

You're startled by the sudden question before a wave of guilt hits you. Should you be honest? Should you try to save his feelings? You don't really want to get into an argument, and you don't want to hurt him, either.

"I do love you, Sangyeon."

He stares at you, trying to read through your words.

"But you're not in love with me."

You stay silent because you know it's true and so does he. It's time for this to happen. It's time for you to push each other out of your comfort zones.

"You're not in love with me, either. We're just each other's safety nets."

He hums because he knows he doesn't have to say anything. When he nods his head and throws a "Good night" over his shoulder, you resume looking at your phone.

Your relationship has been dead for a long time. You just think neither of you is willing to accept it. Maybe after you both sleep, you'll have a clearer view of what your future holds. See if you're ready to truly leave your safety net or if you'll both stay in it, pretending you're a happy couple that'd rather be nowhere else.