Stuck With Me: A Cad Bane Novel

Chapter 17

A/N: welcome to the episode of massive emotional whiplash where cad doesn't understand what feelings are and panics and i'm evil but our girl y/n is finally evolving and she gets angry today and it's fuckin character development (or my attempt at it)

Warnings: swearing probably, mentions of sex, mention of being a sex slave in the past, managing emotions well is at an all time low, cad is lowkey a bit toxic for reasons not yet disclosed, a fat amount of whiplash, be sad mwahahhahaa,

Word count: 1717

Cad's glad that you seem to only have a Human sense of smell, otherwise you'd be able to pick up on the pheromones he's emitting: pheromones that imprint his scent on you, but also happy pheromones, ones that signal that he's content to bask in your presence, that he cares. That scares him far more than just a little, that those things he had sworn himself off for so long - feelings - are back again, ready to hurt him, ready to hurt you. That is what he's not ready for. He's not used to this, not used to the post-sex effects that plague most Duros: effects that make him proud of the scratches down his back, effects that make him want to scoop you up in his arms and keep you from anyone who will hurt you, despite better judgement. It worries him, that he's let you in this far; no one's seen him this vulnerable, and the realisation that you could very easily hurt him makes him haul up walls that he previously would have never let down.

You open your mouth, interest glowing in your eyes as you watch him plot the Justifier's course for his next bounty. 'Can I come with - '

He huffs impatiently as persistent as always, you return to what seems to be your favourite topic lately. He admires your determination - he does - yet the way you never fail to bring this particular subject up terrifies him. Cad can find nothing wrong with the intention, nothing wrong with you having freedom, but of all things, this? The thing he dreads to hear, the thing he braces himself against in fear that you'll bring it up, every time you open your mouth? You seem to have an unnatural ability to insist on the one thing he wants to hide from you.

'No, izrin,' he says firmly, forcing himself to keep his voice gentle. 'We already went over this.'
'Just give me one good reason - '
'Cause ya could get hurt!' He snaps.
You sigh. 'I'm just feeling a bit cooped up, Cad. I want to go out.'

He feels the hormones raging through his system - well, that's what he blames the feelings on, because he can't bring himself to acknowledge that he's getting agitated, at you of all people. Cooped up? Fucking cooped up? Well, he'd rather that than have you injured on a hunt, rather that than witness your last breaths, just because he let you come with him. Maker knows what kind of person the quarry will be, and he feels something yank at his heart. Is there some sort of subtext under your words? Do you want to leave him? Do you want to go, just when he's finally found someone that he wants? That someone being you?

Because he'd never stop you. But it would break him to see you go anyway.

He chokes down a curse for letting himself fall so hard for you and turns around.

'Ya don't want to stay any more, do ya?' He asks. 'Of course ya don't, no one does. Well, nothin's stoppin' ya. Go ahead.'

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he shouldn't have said them. You flinch, for the first time in weeks, you flinch, and it's because of him. See, this is why he's alone, isn't it? He always ends up pushing everyone away, isolating himself in a fortress of misery and bitterness. Just when he thought, you and him, maybe - just maybe - he has to ruin it.

Stupid, he thinks. Stupid, so fuckin' stupid.

'It's not that, Cad.'
His hands clench into fists on the armrests of the pilot's seat. 'Then what is it?' He snarls. 'If it's not that, tell me what it is!'