Lately, I kept singing this chorus in my head:"I live for the applause, applause, applause"
I don't know when I became this messed up person who craves making people proud and being appreciated by them. But I think it might have started when I was young, receiving my first trophy. Everyone in the room was stunned and amazed by me and I loved that. I made people proud of me and I got their appreciation.
All my life I kept participating in every contest possible, I tried to be the best at everything and conquer everything. I always tried to be better than my classmates, have the highest grades possible, pick the hardest contests and challenge myself to win all of them. I kept pushing my limits but it wasn't enough, I felt that I wasn't enough..not for me...not for anyone.I tried so hard to make people appreciate and acknowledge me, but I lost my health...I lost bits of me all along this journey.
Nobody told me that I have to be like this or try so hard, yet I felt that this is the only way to be seen.
I guess I was dying to hear someone say that I didn't need to try so hard to perfect, that I was enough and that it was okay.
