For as long as I can remember, I always used to excuse myself with this sentence: I'm tired..
And it works. People leave you alone and give you peace. It's always easier to come up with an excuse than actually say what's bothering me.
It may seem really unfair for me to do this, but tell me : How can I explain to someone that I'm not physically tired but mentally? How can I open up to someone and let them know how drained I am?
I can't open up to anyone anymore...at least not deep enough to take it off my chest. I don't trust people enough to let them close to me.
I used to, I have a few close people to me who know more stuff about me, but now, I feel like keeping all in it's better. I don't want to bother anyone with myself...I don't want to ruin this image that I built of myself...I don't want to lose them by showing my messed up self...I don't want to damage them.
I "trained" myself to hide everything that is not in place with me. I make sure to smile big enough and use my eyes in it to make it seem real, not play with my hands, and stop making myself smaller, and so on. I make sure to give others my last energy boost to make myself seem more genuine and happier and give them my happiness....
But I am so tired...
I'm too young to be this tired...
For how long will I be able to keep this mask on?
Is it worth keeping it on, or should I just give up?
