A Life With You| TaeKook

Chapter Twelve

Taehyung sat silently among Jungkook parents, his heart heavy and eyes blank. Jungkook was inside the hospital room again and his parents worried. Taehyung doesn't even remember how he managed to bring Jungkook here but he prays that Jungkook soon wakes up. It has also been a past night since Jungkook has been unconscious.

He was still in his wet clothes. Jungkook parents worried that he would catch a cold but he didn't care. Taehyung just needs Jungkook to wake up and talk to him again. "Because I love you" his eyes shut tight remembering those words of Jungkook. Shiver runs down his veins because of what those words made him feel. 

"Mr. Jeon," the doctor said, walking out of Jungkook's room. "How is he?" Mrs. Jeon asked.

"It was another attack and this time more serious than the previous one. Was Jungkook in some kind of distress or pain? We have told you before that Jungkook can' take on any kind of stress like that. His heart is very weak Mr. Jeon. If anything like this happens again or he gets another attack then I am sorry to say that even the transplant won't help him survive" the doctors said sadly.

Taehyung body falls against the hard chair again and his eyes finally let go of the tear he's been holding back. he heard Jungkook's mother cry and covered his eyes with his shaky hands. Taehyung kept on denying what the doctor was saying. It was all his fault, Jungkook was like that because of him so why was the one Jungkook suffering?

After a while Taehyung was allowed to go see Jungkook, he didn't want to because he was the one who made him like that. he was founded himself guilty of being the reason for Jungkook's pain. But Taehyung was told to go see him. He stood a little far from Jungkook who lay under the white sheet. He was sleeping but Taehyung could imagine Jungkook never waking up. He hits himself hard for even thinking such things. Taehyung quietly went to sit next to him. Seeing the peace on his face he bites his lips. Taehyung has to convince himself that Jungkook was okay. So Taehyung took his hands and gently placed them over Jungkook beating heart. he let out a sigh filled with relief.

"I told you not to get hurt and look at you, why can't you ever just listen to me" he whispered as his hands held Jungkook.

"How can you love someone who can't even love themself? My life is a living hell so how can I take you in? How can I love you when I am so broken" Taehyung said, sobbing as his hands tightened around him.

"I don't know what love is Jungkook......I am struggling because I can only hate. I hate myself so much that I pity your love for me." he whispered, hating himself even more now.

"I am not who you love Jungkook.....I have too many secrets of myself that if I tell you then that love might not be there anymore. I will never be able to show you that side of me....and you will never be able to forgive me. You won't ever love that side of me" he bites hard on his lips because he is so scared his secrets will come out themselves.

"You shouldn't love someone who is bruised. I am marked ugly inside out. I am disgusted with myself. I am touched and beaten. I can never say this to you when you are awake. But this is my reality. I live a life where I have to pay for a moment of happiness with my body. So how can I give you me when I don't belong to myself?." he lets out.

"I have always been scared that one day something like this happens if our friendship ever changes. I worked hard not to let that happen. Because if I end up falling for you then you see the misery of me. I never wanted that. But you idiot had to fall for me. What do I do now? What can I say or do that won't affect your life? Why did you do that? Why are you making me want to be selfish now that I know you love me? '' Taehyung cries with his hands hitting himself because he is frustrated and confused.

"Why did you do this to yourself? I don't want to be loved by you Jungkook......because I won't be able to love you" he covers his eyes letting out his heartbreak.

But at that moment not one but two hearts were broken. The boy who didn't want Jungkook to hear his secret did. Every word he heard. The corner of his eyes slipped a signed tear.

Someone once said, "it is sad not to love, but it is sadder not to be able to love".