Elevator Music (Rusame)

╭──╯ . . . . .𝓐𝓕𝓣𝓔𝓡. . . . . ╰──╮

I stumbled into my house, almost falling over. I could barely see; everything was a blur; I meekly shut the door and immediately fell to the floor. Maybe I had a bit too much to drink. I slowly rolled over now staring directly at the ceiling. I could barely move so I couldn't check the time, but I assumed it was probably almost two in the morning, I thought about Ukraine, suddenly I was overcome with a gut-wrenching sadness. I could feel tears begin to form at the corners of my eyes, I blinked them away, but unfortunately, they returned, many times fiercer than before.

Fat tears began to slowly stream down my face, I hated crying, it gave me a headache and I looked like a child when I did. I felt the strong urge to call someone, so on impulse I used the last bit of strength I had left to pull out my phone from my pocket. I couldn't see for shit, so I clicked whoever was at the top and waited for them to answer...

"Hello? Russia? Why are you calling me so late at night?" I recognised this voice, but his words sounded blurry. I wept into the phone, "some...times I'm scared. That this is all I'm gonna be." My voiced hitched at the end of my sentence, "I tried, I really did. I tried to be a good brother, to make a loving environment, I thought she trusted me... my father was right...hick." The person on the other end was saying something but I could not hear them, in fact I couldn't see, nor could I feel. Everything was dark, dreary, and dull. Everything felt worthless, like it all meant nothing. "I just...maybe. Maybe if."

I stopped, what did I want to say? What could I have possibly changed. If I had been better? If I had been stronger? If I had expressed myself more? No, none of these would have changed anything, I must accept the fact that Ukraine and I will never truly bond like I had hoped so, I just had to accept that the only way things could have been different were if circumstances had been different. "RUSSIA!" I snapped out of my state, I focused on the person speaking on the phone, "what the hell are you going on about! You fucking alcoholic dumbass! I'm coming to your house." I liked their voice... despite their panicked shouts it was strangely comforting, my eyes became heavy and eventually shut.

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Tbh I just uploaded this to fix my schedule lll

I'M STILL WAITING FOR AN UPDATE I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENSSSSS AHHOUFWHAHGS I'LL DO ANYTHINGGG T^T

OH yeah the book i'm talking about is called 'The ploy' by @krazykaylee14 you can find it on my profile in the reading list I made.