Save me (bxb)

9

Yamaguchi's POV

"I do everything for you, all the time! Why can't I get a break? Exams are soon, I have no time to myself!" I spoke up, tears clouding my vision ever so slightly.

"I need you Tadashi- what would I do without you? You're my son."

She does this all the time, the gaslighting. She knew I was sensitive and knew the exact things to say and do to trigger me in attempt to make me not think straight.

I needed to calm down. What did the therapist say? Oh right, count down from 10.

"Mom I can't do it anymore, it's too much. I can help you with general things, I agreed to that because I live in this house too, but this? I did not agree to this."

"You know how my health is! How could you be so disrespectful?"

10,

9,

8.

I let out a frustrated sigh, "I know how your health was, but you stopped work. You stopped going out. You isolate yourself in this room and got too lazy to do anything by yourself and you depend on me to do everything for you like I did when you were ill. You've been healthy for over two years mom why don't you understand where I'm coming from?"

My heart was racing at a million miles per hour and I was just about to snap.

"I did everything for you. I carried you in my stomach for 9 months. I cleaned you, changed you, bathed you, gave you a roof to live under your entire life. You've never gone hungry, always had an education and it's all thanks to me. Why does my son not want to help me out with the bare minimum when I have given him the world and more? Why do you not care for me?"

7,

6,

5,

4.

"Mom do you even hear yourself? Everything's too much and I can't handle it!"

"Tadashi you're being so self-absorbed and dramatic. You have so much time to yourself during the day and you dont even want to help your mother out? I refuse it."

3,

2,

1,

0.

"Why is it always me! Why does it HAVE to be me?" I spoke at her, "Why don't you ever make your own meals? Why don't you ever do your own laundry? Or do the grocery shopping? Why dont you ever do your own dishes? Make your own bed?  Clean your own room?? And everytime you try to make me feel bad! You try to make me feel like I'm not doing enough?! I don't even eat at home anymore because of you. Because you make me feel like I can't do anything for myself without doing it for you first? I can't even get a glass of water midway through doing homework without being asked to get started on dinner for you. You don't understand how much of a burden you're being to me and honestly, I'm fucking done with it."

The door opened, "Honey I'm home." my so-called father spoke.

My mother burst into tears. Of course.

"What the hell is going on? The fuck are you crying for? Use your words." Daisuke spoke in frustration towards my mother, shaking her by the shoulders. "Oi! What the fuck did you do hm?" he turned to me.

"He said he won't be doing anything in this household anymore and that I'm a burden to him and how he wishes he wasn't my son." she cried to him.

"Those were not my words. It's been exaggerated completely!" I defended myself.

"So you're calling your mother a liar huh? Who the fuck do you think you are, fucking shrimp. Learn some fucking respect boy."

"I didn't say th-" I started, before getting shoved backwards by my throat, my head slammed against the kitchen wall.

"The fuck are you talking back for eh?" he barked at me, "Keep talking and I will remove the door on your room and use it to beat your ass." he threatened, getting up in my face.

I shrank into the wall, holding the back of my head which was damp with my blood.

What was the point in existing when I live in this constant fear?

Why was I alive? I didn't want to be alive anymore.

I cried into my pillow all night long.

What did I think I was going to achieve by talking back? So so stupid.

Then I woke up from my dream, face wet with tears.

Well. The dream that wasn't a dream.
I had a lot of dreams, recounting that day.

The first day Daisuke ever laid his hands on me.

The first day where I thought about killing myself.

Sitting up and peering across the room, I realised everyone was fast asleep.

I stood up and quickly left the room, I needed a smoke.